When is it enough?
When can we say, I don't need to wait for anything, everything I want
or need is right here in this moment, right now
September 17, 2002
Maybe I am wasting my time, worrying about the why, when, how and what of it
all. Over and over again I wonder, what is the point? Why do I get up in the morning,
why does anyone? We make our plans, set our goals, look forward to our tomorrows,
but why? Robots could do the same, have tasks and go through the process of achieving
them throughout a lifetime. From the daily tasks of bathing, eating, doing laundry,
to the more long term aspirations like paying your bills next month.
In all of this decision making, taking care of responsibilities,
going through the motions of life, when do we stop to ask the meaning of it all.
Is it when we see a bird flying over head, a butterfly flapping its wings, or just
when we see a beautiful smile? Maybe some people ask too much, making everything
seem meaningless by thinking that nothing means anything and we are just going through
this world like machines. Perhaps others don't ever ask at all, believing that this
is all there is, never seeing the mirage.
Sometimes I wish I could just plead ignorance and take this life at face value, just
enjoy it for what it is and don't ask any questions. I have a wonderful friend who's
philosophy in life is f*** it, she is one of the happiest people I know. And why
not? I ask. Why not just throw everything to the wind and say, you know what, I'm
just going to be happy. I don't care about what happens tomorrow, I don't care what
other people think of me, I am just going to be happy right now, in this moment.
To me that seems more Godly than spending your whole life contemplating things that
take away from daily awareness.
In three weeks I am leaving to study in Spain for a year. It's an experience of a
lifetime, travel around Europe, see wonderful things, meet wonderful people. Yet,
in my twisted mind I keep thinking about after that, what will I do after
that, what do I want to study after that, who will I be with after
that. I want to say to myself, baba khafesho digeh! Why don't you just think
about your time there and all the wonderful things you are going to learn and experience?
Thinking about the future so much takes away from the present, but it is so hard
to find a balance.
They say the best way to make a dream come true is to
visualize it over and over again, completely believe that it has already happened,
and give thanks for it. So how do you do that without losing the integrity of your
day to day life? Wishing away the years is a thing most people love to do: "I
can't wait until I'm 16 so I can drive." Then it's, "I can't wait until
I'm 21 so I can drink", and of course "I can't wait until I graduate and
start working"? and let's not forget, "I can't wait until I find the perfect
mate." When is it enough? When can we say, I don't need to wait for anything,
everything I want or need is right here in this moment, right now.
I think that there must be a balance between the two perspectives. Everything is
meaningless, until we give it meaning. A tree is just an object, until we call it
a tree. Life is just going through the motions, until we give those motions our own
meaning. There is a way to see the mirage and yet enjoy it for what it is, taking
in the good and the bad, and being grateful for the chance to experience the illusion.
Perhaps that is the moment we will be free.