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Poem to my beloved

By Assal Badrkhani
May 10, 2004

8 a.m.
back of the bookstacks
it's where our friendship grew
waiting for my ex-karate teacher
to stroll in with his gymbag that never held a textbook
his killer dimple smile
headphones on
a look of sheytanat on his face
as he began introducing me to himself through Hayedeh and Saeed and Ghomeishi

Walking to physics class like we were meant to be
our homework stuffed into a garbage bag by the troll professor
asking you to sit with me, I naaz
and you reply, "Deletam bekhad" as I began to look over the edge
asking me out and disappearing just as quick
never knowing how much I regretted my answer

Calling you on a lazy summer day
gathering the courage to tell you ke
baraye to, man az hadeseha gozashtam
baraye to, man az khoda gozashtam
four hour conversations
going to Denny's just for the coke
the back row at Bad Boys II
leaning my head against your shoulder
hearing you whisper "finally" as our lips touched
green gum on my shirt staining my heart forever
do you remember you grabbed hold of me:
"When will I see you again?"

From this moment , you gave me life
moving from friendship to kisses to ...
protective hands giving me comfort
as I jump over the edge and fall deeply into love

Leaving you,
losing my heartbeat
300 miles from home
the distance doesn't break us
midnight phonecalls no reception
secret getaways to our own little world
eating my mortadella sandwishes as Jessi drives on...
Best days of my memory, a snowy christmastime
falling asleep next to the panther you adore
I stare into your accepting eyes
and see myself for the first time.

Thoughts of losing you shatter my reality
you've become my poker-pro boyfriend
My black-belt boyfriend who watches the Sopranos on Sundays
and looks gorgeous in a tie.
The guy whose grandmother's ring I wear
The guy who keeps all of my teddy bears.

I already know the future
the shape of my wedding dress
seeing our kids faces when I close my eyes
she'll have our curly black hair and your dimples
and he'll like to write poetry like me and watch the Godfather
we'll barbeque steak on Sundays like that day on your balcony
when you made fire from magic
and we'll be together forever, crawling to the middle of our bed every night
meeting in the middle, holding hands until our dreams arrive to take us

You are my future,
in losing you, I would lose myself, my dreams, my everything.
You've given me hope: maybe my end won't be like Isaac Newton's after all..
You're my saving grace,
my guardian angel,
stronger than superman,
you're my one and only hero.

Parham, you stole my heart before I ever even knew your name
since you, I've been introduced to happiness
be to aadat kardam
don't leave me
don't stop caring
give me life forever
protect my future and stay,
for I am nothing without you.

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By Assal Badrkhani


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