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A prayer
My Thanksgiving prayer for this year

By Jalil Mortazavi
November 17, 2003
The Iranian

In October, 1863 President Abraham Lincoln declared the last Thursday in November to be Thanksgiving Day, thus creating a formal holiday.

One of my very first holiday experiences in America was Thanksgiving Day.  I loved it then, and I love it more now.   Let me tell you what is going to be my Thanksgiving prayer for this year. 

1.   I am thankful that Saddam Hussein (the Butcher of Baghdad) is no longer in power, in both Iran and Kuwait people will never have to worry about his threat again. 

2.   I am thankful that the election in California is over and that finally President Bush made the announcement that he and Arnold Schwarzenegger have something in common: they both speak English as a second language.

3.   I am thankful that Rush Limbaugh, this racist hypocrite, was forced to finally see the light and admit his drug addiction. On his way to rehabilitation, Limbaugh asked his 20 million listening audience to pray for him. Let us pray: "Dear God, you never helped Rush Limbaugh control what comes out of his mouth.  Maybe this time you could help him control what goes into it."

4.  I am thankful that I live in America where pizza delivery can get to your house faster than an emergency vehicle.

5.  I am thankful that only in America there is a handicap parking space at the entrance of skating rinks.

6.  I am thankful that in America drugstores make sick people go all the way to the back of the store to get their medicine, but the healthy people can pick up their cigarettes in the front.

7.  I am thankful that I live in America where people can order a double cheeseburger, large fries, and a diet Coke and continue to delude themselves that they are dieting.

8.  I am thankful that the banks here leave their doors open without a security guard, but continue to chain pens to counters.

9.  I am thankful that only in America do people leave their $30,000 cars in the driveway and put lots of worthless junk in the garage.

10.  I am thankful that the American people speak a language in which "I am" is the shortest sentence and "I do" is the longest.

11. I am thankful that the American people have discovered that William Bennett, the man who preaches morality and charges $50,000 per public speech, has turned out to be addicted to gambling.

12.  I am thankful that the Ten Commandments plaque was removed from the Alabama courthouse.  How can you post "Thou shalt not steal", and "Thou shalt not commit adultery" in a palce full of lawyers and politicians without creating a hostile working environment?

13.  I am thankful that only in America can the Lipton Tea employees still take a coffee break.

14.  I am thankful that I live in America where anytime a man talks dirty to a woman he gets sued, but anytime a woman wants to talk dirty to a man she charges $3.95 a minute!

Author

Jalil Mortazavi is a freelance writer. His recent book is What I Learned In America.

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