My Thanksgiving prayer for
By Jalil Mortazavi
November 17, 2003
In October, 1863 President Abraham Lincoln declared
the last Thursday in November to be Thanksgiving Day, thus creating
One of my very first holiday experiences in America
was Thanksgiving Day. I loved it then, and I love it more now. Let
me tell you what is going to be my Thanksgiving prayer for
1. I am thankful that Saddam Hussein (the
Butcher of Baghdad) is no longer in power, in both Iran
and Kuwait people will never have to worry about his threat
2. I am thankful that the election in California
is over and that finally President Bush made the announcement
that he and Arnold Schwarzenegger have something in common:
they both speak English as a second language.
3. I am thankful that Rush
Limbaugh, this racist hypocrite, was forced to finally see the
light and admit his drug addiction. On his way to rehabilitation,
Limbaugh asked his 20 million listening audience to
for him. Let us pray: "Dear God, you never helped
Rush Limbaugh control what comes out of his mouth. Maybe
this time you could help him control what goes into it."
4. I am thankful that I live in America where
pizza delivery can get to your house faster than an emergency
5. I am thankful that only in America there is a handicap
parking space at the entrance of skating rinks.
am thankful that in America drugstores make sick people go all
the way to the back of the store to get
their medicine, but the healthy people can pick up their cigarettes
in the front.
7. I am thankful that I live in America where
people can order a double cheeseburger, large
and a diet Coke and continue to delude themselves that they
8. I am thankful that the banks here leave
their doors open without a security guard, but continue to chain
pens to counters.
9. I am thankful that only in America do
people leave their $30,000 cars in the driveway and
put lots of worthless junk in the garage.
10. I am thankful that the American people
speak a language in which "I am" is the
shortest sentence and "I do" is the longest.
11. I am thankful that the American people have
discovered that William Bennett, the man who preaches morality
$50,000 per public speech, has turned out to be addicted to gambling.
12. I am thankful that the Ten Commandments plaque
was removed from the Alabama courthouse. How can you
shalt not steal", and "Thou shalt not commit adultery" in
a palce full of lawyers and politicians without creating
a hostile working environment?
13. I am thankful that only in America can
the Lipton Tea employees still take a coffee break.
14. I am thankful that I live in America where anytime
a man talks dirty to a woman he gets sued, but anytime a woman
wants to talk dirty to a man she charges $3.95 a minute!
Jalil Mortazavi is a freelance writer. His recent
book is What
I Learned In America.
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