Letters

February 2005
February 2


Get over your anger

In response to Lance Raheem's "Pomegranates and apple pies":

This young man has serious issues he needs to resolve and I truly feel compassion towards him.

First of all, this is the second time he has used the same subject matter (which must be on his mind all the time) and published it to look a bit different.

Looking at the first few lines he uses phrase like "I am not a pomegranate" or "I am not an apple pie". Frankly my dear nobody gives a damn what you are because we have more important issues than care whether you feel like apple pie or pomegranate.

I assure you that in no way you are Iranian. Why? No matter how illiterate or uneducated a person is he would never refer to anyone as "half breed". That expression is used for dogs.

As for my memory (Azam Nemati) I so happen to have been blessed with photographic memory and everyone who knows me or works with me will tell you that.

Having said that, I perfectly remember the first time you complained about the same issues and my comments (I thought they were damn nice and compassionate) were conciliatory and I vividly remember telling you that my heart went out to people like you because of the struggle you faced having to choose sometimes.

You came back with an angry reply insulting me with nonsense about your baba joon and maman joon which I was sure something was lost in translation because I had no idea what you were trying to tell me since I had offered nothing but heartfelt compassion. Ask someone to translate what "kolookh andaaz raa paadaash sang ast" and that applied when I got your nasty reply and yes as you believe you are what you want to be (no problems here), I believe two Iranian parents create an Iranian child. Why?

You do not have to be Einstein to know that in mixed marriages 99% of the time each parent tries to push her/his own culture and beliefs to the kids. I see it all the time and find kids like you who are defiant or kids who feel torn. A small group feels a connection to their roots.

That being said, when there is one parent present as in my own case, then there is no competition which is why my kid grew up understanding Iranian values while being exposed to other cultures (which I made sure he did).

For your information my kid is very normal child who has no prejudice and among his 6 best friends three are Wasp, one Puerto Rican, one black from Panama, one American Black and one from the Islands. All he looks for in friendship is having things in common such as basketball, music and other subjects, which interest him. Race and culture have no influence on his judgment. He does however, invite his friends to eat Persian food (they all love it), make them watch some movies and absolutely listen to Googoosh if he is driving. Unlike you this young man has no issues with being an Iranian or American.

I mentor young twenty something people from mixed marriages. They know where I stand on my beliefs for my own life but I have better things to do than tell people what to do with their lives or how to feel. The young people I mentor want to be Iranians. They love the language (many have taught themselves) and avidly read and always ask me questions and recommendation and sometimes get involved in helping me with some cultural projects.

It seems to really irk people that democracy only applies to them and what they want to be but when it comes to me it is the same old story. I am the "racist" and my personal feelings bother people.

I have no problem with people who want to be Americans and eat apple pies or listen to Western music or date or marry non-Iranians. That is their choice and they can do what they want with their own lives.

I love being around Iranian friends, listening to Iranian music, converse in Farsi, dance the Iranian dance, eat Iranian food and if I ever find the time to be with a ma, I will be with an Iranian who feels the same way and does not think being Iranian means only to be able to speak the language or eat the food.

You and some readers assume that I have no contacts outside the Iranian community because you do not know about my involvement with no-Iranian entities. I am a liberal minded person so I respect everyone and have a great relationship with people of all nationalities.

But when it comes to my choice for my own private life I want to be around Iranians who sing along with me, who feel their heart being squeezed when the sound of Iranian music fills the room, and their eyes are filled with tears when pictures of Iran are shown.

Young man you are in no position to judge my kid. He is the coolest tempered, funny person you will ever see. He never looses his temper; he is kind towards everyone regardless of race or social status. He is also very humble and downplays his accomplishments if people mention them. That is a great human being. He is not missing anything by not thinking that he is an American the way you feel an American should be.

I truly suggest you get over your anger and first truly define whom you are and were you belong. That is the most important thing, not what others think. Take it from me because for 26 years Iranians tried to tell me it was not good to be attached so much to my roots.

Twenty-six years later, all those Americanized Iranians are mostly on antidepressants and have host of medical problems. I attribute all of them to lack of belonging and being in a limbo. I on the other hand am the same positive, optimistic and romantic Iranian who left Iran 26 years ago but has never stopped dreaming about going home. That goal keeps me healthy and motivated.

A famous Iranian doctor who is in his 70s was at a party past Friday and he said over and over again how amazed he was at my endless energy in dancing and laughing while speaking to others in comparison to most of his Iranian patients. I rest my case.

Regards

Azam Nemati

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