I was really surprised and to be more accurate, shocked, to read your
article "To
live or to be alive?" . As I read more and more I felt like an
American tourist was writing her observation regarding the life of Iranian
women based on a few-days visit, seeing only through the surface of things.
I mean you yourself said that you lived in Iran for 16 years and you are
now 30 years old, that means half of your life you lived in Iran. Your
observations are more through a single lens of Western culture and even
from that perspective I have to say it is very much one-sided and without
any depth.
You have made a number of assumptions and generalizations. There is
more to life of Iranians than the relationship between women and men and
even your look at that has been one-sided. On the issues that you have
raised, there is a wide spectrum but your contacts included only a certain
group. Who cares that there are women who haven't experienced going to
a party until they are 22? Do you know how many men live in Iran who never
experienced the joys of parties?!
In my visit to Iran in April 1998, on a number of occasions, I was delighted
and proud to hear young women discussing literature, movies and plays everywhere
(even while waiting in line to see a play). I really wonder how many girls
their age in America are able to see things at this level of maturity and
depth? They looked at men straight in the eyes and were very much clear
about what they have and what they need to fight for.
I taught at universities in Iran for 12 years and young students were
very much aware of their environment, the world and their choices. In your
article "The
women we wanted to be" you mentioned the impact books and movies
had in shaping you. I am convinced (If you allow for one generalization)
that if you had lived in Iran you would have had the same personality as
you have now, except maybe you would not be able to go around the world
as easily as you do now, but definitely much better around Tehran - and
your uncle would not worry about you at all. This is part of the culture,
you were a guest and new to the place, so they worried about you!
You just met a few people and then decided that this is the life of
Iranian women . There are other people who live differently. I in fact
know a number of people (men and women) above 25 who chose to not marry
for different reasons. The age difference that you address and is in fact
very true in other parts of the world, also is not an issue for everybody.
Iranian women based on social, ethnic, geographical and economic factors
differ in their lifestyles as do other women in other parts of the world.
Let me be clear: I am not blind to all the traditional and legal limitations
for Iranian women . What I am saying is that within those limitations there
are vast differences beyond what you have experienced in your visit to
Iran.
I guess what I am trying to say is that what you have described does
exist, but also a number of other lifestyles. With all the regulations
and traditions there are people who do not follow the norm. To me that
is not necessarily good or bad, it is just the way it is. There are also
people who do not look at women the way you described.
The number of Iranian women in different and difficult professions today
is impressive. Women directors, actors, artists, lawyers, art gallery owners
and publishers among others made difficult choices, and fought all the
way to live. Forugh Farrokzad lived in this traditional society and she
was "Forugh". The new generation know it well.
