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Save the Squirrels Society
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January 5, 1999
The Iranian

- You know, I'm sick and tired of this whole Persian Gulf thing.

- What Persian Gulf thing?

- You know: this Persian Gulf vs. The Gulf vs. the Arabian Gulf crap. Why is this the biggest issue in the world for some people? Haven't we got more important things to worry about? Enough already. We got the message. go home. Relax baabaa.

- It's the Persian Gulf, that's why. If we don't raise our voice, it will be commonly known as the Arabian Gulf and before you know it, the Persian Gulf will be history. Do you want that?

- Baabaa! I've heard that argument ten million times. No I don't want the Persian Gulf to be called the Arabian Gulf. But what I'm worried about right now are those poor writers who've been killed in Iran. And what about Daryush and Parvaneh Foruhar? I don't see these Persian Gulf fanatics sending emails and faxes all over the world in order to stop these murders from happening again. Let's get our priorities straight.

- Some people care about some issues more than others. Beh to cheh...

- Beh man cheh? When people fill my email box with a thousand outbursts and threats against this or that reporter or news agency then beh man kheyli cheh. Or I'm talking to some friends and suddenly some guy starts whining about how we are supposedly losing our entire national identity because someone on some TV show called the Persian Gulf the Gulf of Zahr-e Maar... I wanted to scream at him and tell him to LEAVE ME ALONE, for God's sake. The guy can't even write his name in Farsi...

- Persian...

- Whatever! His son's name is Philip, he lives in Las Vagas and most of the words in his Farsi sentences are in English. THIS guy is going on and on about preserving and protecting the Persian Gulf. I mean COME ON!

- Ooooooh cheh khabareteh! You're making such a big deal out of it. Maybe you're just hungry. Have you had dinner yet?

- Bebin! I'm dead serious... nemoodan maaro.

- Would you like a cup of hot chocolate?

- ... Yes please.

- Did you see that news about Kiarostami? "Taste of Cherry" was chosen best foreign film of 1998 by the National Society of Film Critics. I hope he wins the Oscar too. Has he been nominated?

- I don't know. His film was good. Maybe very good. But, I've told you before; I think there are much better films out there. I think "Under the Olive Tree" and "Mashq-e Shab" (Homework?) have been his best.

- Yeah... well, I better be going.

- Where are you going? So soon?

- I want to catch the news.

- Has something important happened? We can watch it together.

- No thanks. I'm a bit tired, long day...

- You're lying, aren't you...

- No...

- Yes you are. What's up?

- Well, I'm sorta monitoring the news programs.

- "Monitoring" the news programs? What for?

- Don't get upset or anything...

- What is it?

- Well, me and some friends are looking at TV news and the newspapers to see if any of them use a different name for the Persian Gulf. But it's nothing serious.

- ...

- I swear. It's just for fun.

- that's you, isn't it?

- It's not really me, it's our group. I'm not the leader or anything. I'm just...

- You're the one who's emailing all that Persian Gulf stuff.

- ...

- You're going to take me off that mailing list, aren't you?

- Yes. Immediately.

- ... God? Are you listening? I have a wish. I have a few, actually. Please change the Persian Gulf to the Arabian Gulf. Then change the Caspian Sea to the Turkestan Sea and the Karoon River to the Saddam River. And, finally, please change Persepolis to Alexandria. I love you God...

- So I'll see you tomorrow?

- I can't. I have to go to my Save the Squirrles Society meeting.

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