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Colorful missiles
Do the high command of the Iranian military truly believe they can ward-off an American attack?

August 5, 2003
The Iranian

Kudos to the Equipment Purchasing Department of the Iranian army. Last week they test fired a Shahab-3 ballistic missile which is based on the North Korean Nodong-1 missile and improved with Russian technology.

Would anyone in his or her right mind buy an Iranian refrigerator based on a North Korean model, then improved with Russian technology? I for one will opt to preserve my food with salt before submitting to that dismal choice.

To top that, the Art Department (assuming there is one), of the army has painted forest green camouflage motif on some of these incredible marvels of technology. How appropriate for a nation that is 95% arid and desert-like.

The choice of coloring of these missiles has more to do with artistic creativity I would assume, than the genuine belief that green camouflage will hide them from evil eyes. Credit must be given nonetheless, since the exterior coating is probably the only tangible Iranian contribution to the building of these charming missiles.

The missiles, or for that matter those fetid diesel fueled submarines marooned in the Persian Gulf, are justified as deterrents; but deterrents to whom and to what? Do the high command of the Iranian military truly believe they can ward-off an American attack?

Did anyone bother to watch CNN during the last U.S-Iraq war in Tehran's military intelligence? Perhaps watching MTV India is more absorbing. I for one do not blame them. Given those options, I would have long ago switched the channels to the more entrancing Real World Calcutta as well.

The reality is this, ladies and gentlemen: Some official, probably a well-connected import/export entrepreneur (a bazaari, for a lack of a better term) has found a niche in the insecurity psyche of the Iranians after the war with Saddam and is exploiting it ever since. Tactically useless missiles are purchased, dissembled, air-shipped, reassembled, and finally painted by the aspiring young artist of the army.

Then 15% to 20% commission is stashed away in some bank account in Geneva, and voila! …we have a homegrown missile technology industry which, with a bit of luck, should make the American overlords of Afghanistan and Iraq quiver in fear before dreaming of any other wars of liberation north of the Persian Gulf.

In related news, having scrutinized the self-indulgent declarations of Israeli government on this subject. The government of Papua New Guinea has decided that, guess what, they too feel very threatened by the range of these missile and will inform their American friends of their concerns. Financial aid will naturally be requested in case those unprincipled Iranians become malevolent with their rainforest inspired colorful missiles.

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By Sharif N Mafi





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