* Congress passes Americans With No Abilities Act
Washington, DC (THE ONION) -- Tuesday Congress approved the Americans
With No Abilities Act, sweeping new legislation that provides benefits
and protection for more than 135 million talentless Americans >>> FULL TEXT
* Bantu tribesman uses IBM modem to crush nut
Kabinda, Zaire (THE ONION) -- In a move IBM officials are hailing as
a major step in the company's ongoing worldwide telecommunications revolution,
M'wana Ndeti, a member of Zaire's Bantu tribe, used an IBM global uplink
network modem to crush a nut Monday >>>
FULL TEXT
* Amish give up
Lancaster, PA (THE ONION) -- After centuries of enduring harsh, spare
living conditions and voluntarily shunning modern amenities such as microwave
ovens and red clothing, Amish leaders announced Monday that Amish across
the country will abandon their traditional ways >>>
FULL TEXT
* New remote control can be operated by remote
Tokyo (THE ONION) -- Television wathcing became even more convenient
this week with Sony's introduction of a new remote-controlled remote control
>>>
FULL TEXT
* Desperate vegetarians declare cows plants
Las Vagas (THE ONION) -- At its annual national conference Saturday,
the American Association of Vegans and Vegetarians released the results
of a detailed in-house study determining that the common beef cow is actually
a plant, 100 percent fit for vegetarian consumption >>>
FULL TEXT
Links
