Facing our dark shadow
Gay psychology and activism
By Dr. Payam
September 18, 2003
The Iranian
Gay and lesbians have been experiencing
a great deal of violence and
horror living in a homophobic world. Examples include: the burning
of
lesbian
women and labeling them witches; the stoning of lesbian women
in the Middle
East; serving in concentration camps and being sent to the gas
chamber;
getting arrested by undercover police agents and thrown into
jail for acting
on genuine homoerotic feelings.
Every gay man and lesbian woman
willing to talk about their experiences can give testimony when
they were
mistreated and made to feel ashamed of their existence. The violent
homophobic
treatment that gay people are receiving can get internalized,
and this
internalization
of the violence that is happening to us including being made
to feel less
than by the heterosexual collective contributes to the development
of
internalized
homophobia.
The internalized homophobia, when it stays
unconscious and
does not get challenged, becomes an inner oppressor and prevents
many of
us from experiencing our feelings and being real. Essentially,
it severs
us from our life force. A common example occurs when a gay person
believes
coming out and living an authentic life would jeopardize his
parent's
health!
Another common example of inner homophobia is when
a gay person who is
dominated
by his homophobic shadow claims being gay is a small part of
him and reduces
his Gay Soul to "it's about what I do in my bedroom."
Prevalent drug and alcohol abuse among many gay
and lesbian people is
another
manifestation of internalized homophobia. Since internalized
homophobia
demands lack of empathy for our inferior feelings and our painful
experiences
growing up, substance abuse becomes the means to escape these
agonizing
feelings. With mood altering drugs and alcohol, many gay and
lesbian people
attempt to soothe the hurt they feel inside themselves.
The
lack of
knowledge
and proper tools to work with these inferior feelings makes
one vulnerable
to drug abuse. Being conscious of the internal toxic shame
and humiliation
and having empathy for those feelings is an act of activism,
and an
important
step toward inner coming out and gay liberation. Substance
abuse is not
going to free us from the bondage of homophobia.
Many gay and lesbian people are searching for
a weapon of liberation. Not
only are they looking for external liberation and equal rights,
but also
for the internal experience of liberation as well. Perhaps,
some of us have
a childlike wish for a gay prophet to come and rescue us from
the dungeon
of homophobia. Our savior is the psychological tools.
We need
to work on
our inner coming out and stop various acting out behaviors,
such as
substance
abuse and bareback sex. By becoming psychological and taming
the demons
of inner homophobia, we can become healthy gay individuals
and create strong
gay communities. As a result, we can form societies to match
our internal
feelings of liberation.
It is time to ask deeper questions regarding gay
liberation and look for
answers within us. Is politics and extroverted activism enough
for achieving
gay liberation? Can we achieve equal rights or gay liberation
without facing
our dark homophobic shadow? Can one achieve external liberation
without
challenging the internal oppressor?
I believe a community that
consists
of wounded individuals needs to spend more time on its healing
process.
By having a psychological perspective on gay liberation and
not just a
political
one, we can open a new frontier in our struggle for freedom.
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