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Satire

Running out of ideas
Suggestions for the next iranian.com poll

By Moe
April 30, 2004
iranian.com

Follow up survey to "cleaning yourself" poll, if you use water,

- do you use cold, lukewarm, or HOT water?

- do you wipe yourself with your bare hands or just rinse?

- do you dry yourself with a towel, blow dryer, or your underware?

If you use toilet paper,

- how many tissues do you use: (a) 1 (ewww!), (b) 2-3, (c) 4 or more

- do you use your left-hand, right-hand, alternate between left and right?

- do you inspect the output or you "just know" when it's done?

Do you support having a referendum on this?

- yes

- no

Please place a check mark next to your political affiliation:

[ ] Traditional Monarchist (aftabeh)

[ ] Weststern Monarchist (imported toilet paper)

[ ] Confused Monarchist (hose, then toilet paper, with aftabeh there for nostalgic reasons)

[ ] Elite Monarchist (someone else wipes)

[ ] Molla (aftabeh & hands, hands, hands)

[ ] Progressive (adjustable spray hose)

[ ] Nationalist (aftabeh with sheer-o-khorshid emblem)

[ ] Marxist (red community kaaseh)

[ ]  Mojahed (his and hers aftabeh under the watchful eye of a picture of Maryam or Massoud)

Is the Iranian.com running out of relevant poll questions?

- yes and aftabeh

- yes and toilet paper

Please help us select next week's poll:

[ ] Shaving (men only): do you use teegh or machine?

[ ] Tea: do you prefer ghand or sugar?

[ ] Kabob: if you had to pick one, would you choose somagh or peeaaz?

[ ] Yes or No? (just pick one, we'll fill in the question later)

.................... Say goodbye to spam!

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