He imagines under-age blondes running their hands through the Persian rug on his chest
March 30, 2005
She stands before me, the blonde highlights
in her hair catching the
chandelier's light. Her nose is small, slightly upturned and
cosmetically straight. Her eyebrows arch gently like a crescent
over her liquid chocolate eyes. She smiles with a "I will
castrate you if you ask me to cook for you or try to take me
from behind" look. There is a glint in her almond shaped eyes. Her skin
powdery white, her cheeks blushing rouge, collagen enhanced lips,
lined in black, life nourishing breasts, ample and full. A slender
liposuctioned waist and wide child bearing hips...
The sweet sound of Gogoosh plays in the background... Man
ahmadam, voy voy...
She starts to cook for her man:
Ingredients (6 servings)
-- leg or shoulder of lamb or beef, 600 grams
-- split peas, 50 grams
-- dried limes, 4 (or 1/2 cup of fresh lime juice)
-- medium onions, 3
-- medium potatoes, 6
-- cooking oil
-- black pepper
-- turmeric, 1 teaspoon
Peel and thinly slice onions. Fry in oil until slightly golden.
split peas and fry slightly with onions. Cut meat into small
pieces, add to onions and split peas, and fry over medium heat
changes. Add salt, black pepper, and turmeric. Follow with six
of hot water and cook over low heat for about 30 minutes. The
pot should be covered with a tight lid so that little steam
Add crushed dried limes or lime juice. Wash and peel potatoes
and add in as well. Cook over low heat with the pot again tightly
another 30 minutes. If necessary, add more hot water during cooking.
He leaves his council flat
and gets into his car. He drives towards
her house in Kensington, a 100 mph in his fully loaded BMW, with
bucket leather seats. As he drives along the Kings Road, he slows
so that all the beautiful women have a chance to look at him and
thick jet black hair dripping with copious amounts of gel. While
Gucci shades shield his dark eyes from the winter grey sky. He
breathes in deeply, the soft top of his car down, while the heating
keeps him warm.
His stereo blasts out Andy's greatest hits... Dokhtar
Irooni mesleh goleh...
His Old Spice wafting through the
air, he beeps at every under-age
blonde who strolls by. They smile at him. He knows they all want
him. He imagines them running their hands through the Persian rug
chest. Suddenly the most beautiful woman he has seen walks by,
whistles at her, blows her kisses and gives her a regal wave, "Tu
shab kojaiee?" (Where are you going tonight?) he shouts. She
turns around and gives him a look of disgust and contempt. He
she not find his advances endearing and charming. Then he realises
why. He shakes his head wearily: obviously she's a lesbian.
He carries on driving and he stops off to pick up
some Persian cakes to give to his love...
Ingredients: (4 servings)
-- rice, 500 grams
-- sugar, 1 kg
-- cooking oil
-- saffron, 1/2 teaspoon
-- rosewater, 1/2 cup
-- pistachio, crushed
-- almond, crushed
-- cinnamon, one teaspoon
Wash rice a few times until the water is clear, then drain. Add
times water and bring to a boil, removing the foam. When rice softens
completely, add sugar and stir well. Dissolve saffron in half a cup
of hot water and add to the mix. Heat
up oil and also add to the mix. Add in most of the almonds and
rosewater. Stir well and cover. Cook in oven at low temperature
half an hour. Serve with pistachio, almond and cinnamon sprinkled
He arrives at her door, cakes in hand. He is greeted
by her lips and the smell of Ob Goosht.
Asgar clenched the bread tightly in his hairy masculine
He gently caressed his plate and scooped up the last remaining
Ob Goosht into his mouth. He stared deeply into Maryam's eyes:
this was a woman he could marry. His grandmother would be pleased.
had broad child bearing hips and an ample bosom. He could loose
himself in her eyes for hours. He wondered what she was thinking.
She had a coy smile on her lips and her left eye twitched ever
"When is he going to propose? I am not getting
any younger, I'm
already twenty-two. All my friends have boyfriends that take them
to nice places like Tramps and Paparazzi Lounge and I'm stuck
here cooking. The least he could do is marry me!" Maryam thought
to herself, until her thoughts were drowned out by a cacophony
Asgar decided that she was probably thinking about
how handsome he was
and how much she wanted him. He undid his belt and the top button
his trousers and belched appreciatively. He decided that this was
good a time as any to broach the subject.
"So..." in his deepest
sexist voice he whispered, "... azizam, I vant to ask you
somting... Do you love me?"
Suddenly Maryam had been woken
from a stupor:"Of
course I love you azizam! Vahy do you ask?"
Maybe this was
the moment she had been waiting for, all the cooking had paid off!
"Azizam I tink it is time vee make love. I vant
to show you how much
you mean to me," Asgar's words started to grate on her nerves, "Vat
u mean, make love? vat kind of girl do u tink I am?" Maryam screamed!
Asgar was starting to get equally angry: "So
you don't love me den. My Polish girlfriend was never like this,
loved me and she know how
to show me!"
Maryam's blood was starting to boil. How dare he
bring up his ex-girlfriend. She hated her, in fact she hated all
It was an evil Polish girl that had seduced her sweet innocent father
and caused him to cheat on her mother. She started to cry, her tears
milky white as the foundation started to run down her face. Her eyes
encased in black mud.
Asgar started to feel bad, "Don't cry azizam,
I shouldn't have said dat, but it is difficult for me. I love you
so much and I have needs... Men need to do it..."
crying and looked at Asgar, "Will
you still respect me? Do you promise not to tell anyone?"
"I will always respect you azizam, I promise
I von't tell me friends..." Asgar said in his sweetest voice.
wasn't lying to her, he wouldn't tell his friends that they had
slept together -- he had already told them they had after their
He looked at her, his eyes full of desire... one
day she would give him
beautiful babies. Her nose was so straight and perfect it would
out his own large curved nose. It really was his favourite part
such a beautiful nose...
Maryam took his hand and led him slowly up the stairs...
Persian romance index