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Hooray to hooligans
Forget university students

July 14, 2003
The Iranian

So ... you're telling me that a group of pimple-face, nineteen-year-old university students, high on testosterone and nicotine, are starting a movement that will bring freedom and democracy for Iran? Intellectual wannabes whose mamas still wash their clothes and make their beds, set to pave the road to Iranian renaissance and secular heaven. What a bunch of crap.

You must be extremely desperate to believe what they're feeding you. I wouldn't trust university students with washing my $800 pickup truck, let alone leading a movement. University students movement my foot. You heard it right folks, student movements suck. Hay, take a deep breath, I'm just warming up.

Iranian university students fall into two categories: governmental students and non-governmental students.

Governmental students are paid members of the ministry of information or information branch of the revolutionary guards or information sector of the ministry of justice who enter universities without passing the entrance exam. Their primary function is to spy on other students and keep a close watch on any undesirable activities inside or outside the campuses. Don't get me wrong, many of them are actually pretty damn good students and while serving their masters, they get a good education.

Many of them do the job not because they actually believe in a cause but simply it's an easy way for them to get their college education without having to pass the entrance exam or pay for private colleges. And one has to admit that they are good at what they do. They wear the latest designer jeans, put eccess gel in their hair; some even sport a ponytail, and shave every single day.

None-governmental university students are those who pass an artificially difficult entrance exam and make it by spending many months or years locked in a room studying while being fed and pampered by their adoring parents. These students are mostly the best in the class with no social skills, imagination, or any other talent. They get accepted into universities not because of practical understanding of any subject matter, or potential for future development, but they simply make it by memorizing everything they read.

Their motivation for getting into university is mostly based on prestige and parental approval other than the actual act of learning. Most have never worked a day in their lives and never had to worry much about money. Since most have not been outside their small towns, they are naïve and believe everything they hear.

Here you have it ladies and gents, these are the heroes who are going to free us from religious slavery and bring about freedom and democracy to Iran. Give me a break.

I personally know a number of people who have running battles with the paramilitary folks in the streets of Tehran every night and I can assure you that none of them are "university students". As a matter of fact you can hardly see a "university student" in middle of the mayhem.

People who stand up against the paramilitary basijis and take the brutal beating are unemployed youngsters who never get a chance to enter the university cause they can't memorize every single word in their textbooks. They are a bunch of high school flunkies who take it out in the streets to punish those who constantly tell them, "You can't get admitted to universities cause you're not smart enough."

These are the lads who feel left out, kicked out, punk'd out, spat on, and disrespected because they are not good enough to sit in a classroom and get a higher education. These are guys who lack any prospect for a better future simply because they can't pass a moronically difficult entrance exam. These are the people who fearlessly stand against cruel basijis and take it like a man. Let's give it up for them boys and girls.

I solute the hooligans, misfits, bacheh tanbals, thugs, gangsters, and all the dysfunctional non-university-student youths of Iran who are slapping the basij every night in the dark corners of my hometown, Tehran.

Forget the university students and support the hooligans and high school dropouts. They are our best chance to achieve freedom and democracy.

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