Follow up survey to “cleaning yourself” poll, if you use water,
– do you use cold, lukewarm, or HOT water?
– do you wipe yourself with your bare hands or just rinse?
– do you dry yourself with a towel, blow dryer, or your underware?
If you use toilet paper,
– how many tissues do you use: (a) 1 (ewww!), (b) 2-3, (c) 4 or more
– do you use your left-hand, right-hand, alternate between left and right?
– do you inspect the output or you “just know” when it's done?
Do you support having a referendum on this?
Please place a check mark next to your political affiliation:
[ ] Traditional Monarchist (aftabeh)
[ ] Weststern Monarchist (imported toilet paper)
[ ] Confused Monarchist (hose, then toilet paper, with aftabeh there for nostalgic reasons)
[ ] Elite Monarchist (someone else wipes)
[ ] Molla (aftabeh & hands, hands, hands)
[ ] Progressive (adjustable spray hose)
[ ] Nationalist (aftabeh with sheer-o-khorshid emblem)
[ ] Marxist (red community kaaseh)
[ ] Mojahed (his and hers aftabeh under the watchful eye of a picture of Maryam or Massoud)
Is the Iranian.com running out of relevant poll questions?
– yes and aftabeh
– yes and toilet paper
Please help us select next week's poll:
[ ] Shaving (men only): do you use teegh or machine?
[ ] Tea: do you prefer ghand or sugar?
[ ] Kabob: if you had to pick one, would you choose somagh or peeaaz?
[ ] Yes or No? (just pick one, we'll fill in the question later)
……………….. Say goodbye to spam!