I'm not Iranian, I feel that being married to one for more years than I can count allows me to express an opinion once in a while. Here's what I think of Iranian TV. My dear wife and children torure me with endless hours of it daily since they all speak Farsi fluently and I stumble with it. I don't always understand what I like, but I know well what I don't.
Slick hawkers pushing snake oil,
Like the wild west days of yore.
Their vitamins and face cream,
With conviction they implore.
If you just send us your money,
You will feel so well inside.
For there's nothing that's so Persian,
Than to spend with ethnic pride.
With telethons, they beckon sweetly,
True believers, send your cash.
Someday we'll take our nation back,
All the Mullahs heads, we'll smash.
All the faithful send their savings,
Full of patriotic zeal
Oh the cash flows in from near and far,
Such an easy way to steal.
Always pushing their sweet message,
We're the best the world has seen.
The natives, just too thick to grasp,
This simple truth, we daily beam.
We are the best, in looks and brains,
We from the Land of Fars
Our houses are the biggest,
And we drive the best of cars.
We hail Googoosh our champion,
But it's odd for us to see.
This icon of our nation,
Never lip-synchs on TV.
But it doesn't stop the others,
Like Shoreh and Mahasti.
Who've leaned the art of singing,
While their lips are movement-free.
Whether ITN or Tapsesh,
Or Omid or Jame-Jam
Ve're all the same, ve Vest-vood boys
Ve're just running, a big scam.
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