Shahram Kashani: Get a load of this guy!

Shahram Kashani: Get a load of this guy!

As part of my ongoing mission/hobby to criticize the LA music machine, just when I think I've run out of material out comes another bucket'o'shit.

This time in the form of Shahram Kashani (sorry bitch I'm not spelling your name Shahrum you twit!).

The album cover has him with this fem shit eating grin on his face, and the name of the album is get this, Khoshhalam. No? Really? Khoshhali? Bia inja ba in albumeh gohet bezanam to saret bebinam hanooz khoshhali!

Once more Techno-fied 6/8 overused to death, and just to be safe they've thrown in a Bandari song per usual. Is it me or has Bandari now become our equivalent of Country Western?

But there's a new stinky wind a blowin' from the south folks. It appears the “geniuses” in LA now want us to play the hemale-shemale “Is he gay? or is he straight?” game now. You see it repeated across the board, with every “star” they get their greasy hands on. Long hair, wet lips, tweezed eyebrows, plenty of hair product and make up. It's Glam baby!

What's next? Let me predict that they will take the girl singers and turn them butch. Nah! They'd never go for that. That's too “cool”, even for them.

Shahram's eyebrows are so tweezed, and his eyes are so sparkly green and his lips so seductively wet, it will make you feel all funny inside. No, not that kind of funny, funny more like when you bite into an apple and find half a worm.

God does LA music (for the most part) suck!

Anyhow this album is so bad… I'm sorry…. I really can't continue… Urp…You know, I kind of don't feel too well all of a sudden…. I'm kind of nauseous…

…Must be something I heard.

by Behrouz Bahmani with special thanks to Maryam Optimized June 28, 2005

Recently a friend punched me in the mouth with a new and wonderful find, the kind that like all good sexual diseases you can only catch from a friend.

Laleh is a new phenomenon, this time coming to us via Sweden and parts of North Sea Europe. Apparently we are too jaded to deserve her here. That and LA wouldn't know what to do with this music, it's that god-damned refreshing.

With a voice that is some variation of that nameless female lead in Missing Persons meets Sioxie and the Banshees, meets Bjork, meets Sinead, or something like all of that combined, Laleh's voice is as fresh and unspoiled as her 20 something looks.

We all extol the quintessentially unchallenged beauty of the Iranian woman, and here in California that seems to all too often include tons of make-up, augmented boobs, lots of accessories that have the letters L, V, G, and C in them, and the cherry on the cake (or pie!), a shiny nose job. But in Laleh's case there's none of that and you can actually appreciate her simple beauty and you're not sure if it shines from inside or what's going on, but she's wonderful to look at.

It also appears as if her music actually says something (Surprised? Don't worry it's not your fault.), which I find even more refreshing because unlike the usual vomit we have to spoon off of the gutters of the LA machine, this stuff is deep.

Even though it is clear that Invisible is the main anthem being pushed from her latest album, I still challenge that Live Tomorrow is the real hit single. A cross between EBTG, and some sort of revisit to Sade's hideout, it's a hauntingly catchy loop that suggests maybe we shouldn't be too concerned about tomorrow and enjoy today, the here and now. A tried concept to be sure, but in the context of this infectious melody, it really strikes your heart anew. You want to leave the office, tear off your tie, run through the nearest park, or kiss your wife. Hard.

Maybe it's because my Laleh infection is still ripe and itchy, but I also found the lyrics of some of her other songs to be actually (Dare I say it? Gulp!) relevant! I hope I get to ask her one day if this was her intention and if the references are meant to be about Iran and its situation, or if it was an abstract thought that happens to apply. Maybe I won't even ask, just in case.

I could not understand her Swedish, because actually I don't understand anyone's Swedish, and I found the language to be a bit harsh for my taste in music (kind of like eating goat cheese), but the melodies and chording was as rich as the other songs, so I'll take it on faith.

There are clear Iranian references on 2 songs Hame Baham, and Yek Gooshe. These songs are not all Iranian, but if you wait for it, you get more than the pay off you hoped for.

I couldn't find where you can buy her album here, but you can visit her website if you can read Swedish and you can always drop her a line Also see her photos.

Here are some of her songs:

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