Her Mom was always on her case about getting married. She thought its time for her daughter to settle down and start a family. Mitra saw herself as a unique woman with extraordinary needs. At times, she thought she would never find anyone that would understand her. Until, that amazing day on the beach, when she saw this man sitting by the shoreline, watching the ocean. He was so transfixed in thought that it seemed like he was all alone in the world. She became fascinated by him. She couldn't see his face but his wavy long hair was flowing with the wind. She felt as if she was watching the ocean with him. “Did he even notice me? Please look back, I want to see you, stand up.” She was yelling at herself.
A week later, her friend, Sheyda, called her to go with her to a poetry night at the public library. She thought it would be fun to see American poets. At the library, the arrangement was incredibly nice. They put a long chair in the middle of a large room and everyone was sitting in a circle. The lights went dim, except for the spotlight that gloomed over the empty chair in the middle of the room. The event coordinator walked in and after a few minutes of introduction, he said, “Please welcome our first poet, Arash”. Mitra, couldn't believe her eyes. That was the guy who was sitting on the beach a week ago. She became excited, she couldn't hide her enthusiasm. “God, I think I am in love!” she whispered to Sheyda with great excitement.
During the next week, Mitra and Arash exchanged so many emails. Finally, they decided that the phone was a more convenient option. On the phone, things were different. They were like two lovers who had been together forever. Life was good for Mitra. She thought that she was in love with someone who had everything that she had ever wanted. He treated her as if she was the only woman in the whole world. He was passionate and sensitive. They were two souls who had merged into one. But the one thing that frightened and concerned Mitra was the fear of the passion fading away. She couldn't handle that. It was vital that she has constant excitement in her life. Like the thrill of riding an ongoing rollercoaster. “Why can't I be normal, like everyone else?” she often asked herself.
It had been a week since Arash had gone to Toronto on business for the opening of a new office. He was so busy that he couldn't even write a long email. Mitra was not happy about that, as she craved the constant attention and admiration she was used to receiving from Arash. “Why am I so voracious? I have heard that there is a large Iranian community in Toronto. What if he meets someone out there?” she wondered apprehensively.
Monday night, Sheyda called. After a few minutes of talking, Sheyda asked Mitra to go online and see a funny picture that she had sent her. Mitra went online to check her email. Amongst all the old emails, there was one that was new to her. An invitation to chat from a guy name Farhad. “Interesting! I don't know anyone by this name, who is he?” she asked herself. She thought. She always has been fascinated by the internet. She thought chatting with people on the internet is harmless. She was chatting with Farhad until 4:00 A.M. that night.
A few days later, Mitra was waiting for Farhad at one of the most expensive restaurants in town. She was so anxious, “why am I doing this, what about Arash? If he finds out about this he will be devastated. But, I have to be realistic, he is too romantic and a too much of a dreamer. I should try my options” The restaurant's atmosphere was incredible. A breath taking experience. She was wearing a black dress, which made her feel very sexy. Finally, Farhad arrived.”Sorry for being late, I had so many patients today.” said Farhad. Mitra did not mind that at all. The next morning when she was leaving Farhard's gorgeous condo, she felt awful about the whole event. She felt like a cheap prostitute. “Why did I do that? I think I really love Arash. Have I been bought by an expensive dinner, a bottle of expensive French wine, a BMW and a beautiful condo?” she pondered. She just wanted to die.
Ten days later Arash came back from Toronto. He called her from Toronto's Airport. But Mitra made an excuse to not go and pick him up, instead she told him that Sheyda is free and she will pick him up. Mitra felt too ashamed to face Arash. She didn't know what to do. She felt dirty. She was mad at herself. Her mind was racing, “I should make an excuse and break up with him. It's not fair. I have been dishonest. It's my destiny to be loveless. May be I should just start a fight and let him go and not break his heart by telling him the truth.” She was sobbing hysterically for most of the morning
But she couldn't. That night, Mitra and Arash had a quiet evening. He was exhausted from his business trip. They had a bottle of white wine and he put on some New Age music and just cuddled. She felt filthy to make love to him. From Toronto, Arash had bought Mitra a ring that he had engraved the words “To My Mitra” on it. When she saw that, she hugged him and holds him while she broke in tears. She felt so humiliated and guilt ridden from his expression of love. She was burning inside from the disgrace. “Oh God, I want to die and stop this pain” she was mumbling to herself. They talked about love and how much she needed him. She couldn't sleep all night long. She watched Arash sleep peacefully throughout the night.
The next day at about 9:00 A.M., Sheyda arrived at Mitra's apartment. There was an ambulance waiting outside. Inside of the apartment the paramedics were trying very hard to bring Mitra's lifeless body back to life. Mitra had attempted suicide. Sheyda was crying, she didn't know why Mitra had done such a stupid thing. After many attempts, the paramedics were able to revive her. “She will live, are you a relative?” asked the paramedic. “No, but she is my friend.” responded Shayda distraughtly. “Does she have any family here, if so, please tell them we are taking her to Mercy Hospital”, said the paramedic.
Mitra's sister Sara, who was a nurse herself, rushed to the hospital room where Mitra was resting. She looked worried and wanted to know what happened to her sister. Mitra was ashamed of her action but was too weak to speak. She couldn't bear to look at her sister. Sara didn't push or probe her sister with any questions; instead she gave her a long hug and held her in her arms. They cried together for a lengthy period of time. “You should come and stay with me for awhile until you get yourself together.” said Sara with great concern.
That afternoon, they released Mitra from the hospital. They went to Sara's country home, out of town. Mitra spent the majority of her recovery time thinking about how much she loves Arash, she needed him. She needed his love. While she was resting on the couch, she turned on her cell phone to call Farhad to tell him that it was a mistake to see him that night. He couldn't talk very much because he was with a patient. She told him that her sister is sick and she won't be able to see him anymore. She kept calling Arash, but his cell phone was turned off.
A few hours later, Arash called and Mitra jumped for the phone, both nervous and excited at once. “Salam azizam, where are you? I kept calling you. I was so worried that I couldn't work at all! Said Mitra with concern.
“Why, what happened?” Arash asks cautiously. “I was thinking about us and how much I love you. Do you know that I can't live without you?” Mitra said passionately. “Me too, I was thinking about the same thing. I will tell you all about it when I see you tonight”, Arash replied. “Tonight? Sorry, I have to see my sister and then we are planning to go to her country home, you know how she is, right? She doesn't even let me use my cell phone. She wants me to stay with her for a day or two, but I will call you!”
And then she hung up and silently wept [Part 1]