His name is not Gholaam but he is a flunky type at times (nookar sefat)ˆ servant of his needs for women. One of my Turkish friends calls him “amjugh parast”! It is not necessarily a bad thing except when you combine it with “being flaky” which can cause trouble for everybody around him.
What do I mean?
Well when it comes to women who provide him with what he needs or when he knows a new woman and wants to get into her pants, he does everything! Absolutely everything! What a lover, a servant, a friend, a father may do.
He is about 50 and not good looking, but experienced enough to know how to play the role of a romantic man if necessary. He shows that he is there for the woman at all times. Calls many times a day and is ready to jump and visit her at her request anywhere, anytime.
He plans for trips and parties. He can afford it too as he has enough money and free time. He can be funny and knows lots of jokes, good and bad, but he definitely feels very sexy when he makes his stupid jokes. He keeps active and tries to stay in a good shape and uses Viagra from time to time (remember: money and time!).
As a woman, you may consider him as your dream man at first. At the beginning of the relationship, he shows that he accepts all your little flaws and even loves them and you will feel good about yourself. He seems to be understanding when you are upset and makes it up to you by nice surprises. In general, “Gholaam” treats you the way you, as a woman, want it! He is your gholaam, your lover, and your friend and he says so- “gholaametam! Taa aakhare omr!”
In Vancouver, there are more women than men. It’s a fact. And when it comes to Iranian community, there are definitely more single women especially single moms with variety of children in different ages. From few months babies to over 20-year-old adults! The older the single mothers/women, the more experienced and normally richer as well! Mostly divorcee of rich husbands who could afford to come to Canada!
There are also many not-yet-single (or single-to be) women, whom their husbands don’t live with them or are in the middle of divorce. Some husbands travel to Canada periodically and enjoy the freedom of this western country and family reunion and go back to their other wives/girl friends in Iran.
It’s important to mention that there are rare breeds of Canadian and very few Iranian men who are dedicated to their wives and don’t fool around. In general there is a lack of men in this city and anyone with business sense, can see the benefit of an export/import business here: importing men to town and exporting women!
Anyway, many Iranian girls who have come to the city have neither a job nor expertise to get one. Mostly struggling with English as well, especially if their husbands sponsored them in the first place! The most familiar way for them to settle down is to find someone to support them. A “gholaam” type is the best thing that can happen to them, at least for the first few years. It seems like a good contract: the girl gets what she needs and the guy gets what he wants.
These women are mostly good looking too (after all they could get married to rich or educated men!), however, they don’t care if the supporting guy is ugly, bald, smells bad or has principle issues. As long as he provides them with the level of support they need, they accept everything! It seems like a mutually beneficial agreement, right?
(These guys/gals should stay out of Iran otherwise they may face the danger of being stoned by Islamic Republic since mostly they start their relationships with another person before they separate from their original spouses and may get involved in more than one relationship at a time!)
Still all is fine and to be honest, it’s no one’s business as it’s choices made by two mature people! One is free to do what he/she wants as long as it doesn’t hurt others!
The issues arise when the “gholoomy” starts to show his “flaky” nature. After all he has money and he likes refreshment! When a woman falls for a “Gholaam Flake – GF” type, and gets used to all the services he provides, a level of expectation is generated. Worst of all is when the woman gets involved romantically with GF. For those women with no substance themselves, everything should be alright and they don’t loose much; it’s just a contract! Each party gives something and gets something!
On the other side, for the poor romantic, inexperienced, and naive woman who falls for all that caring and safety of a warm relationship for a short time with GF, feels secure and in love for a while and starts to build her life around it, it’s a different story! Everything is beautiful until a new girl arrives at the sight of our Mr. GF; and there are always new arrivals or new finds, better looking, younger, more experienced and with more needs! They look for support and do whatever possible to get it! The girl knows how to pay attention to our Mr. Flake, and our Gholaam who is a man with no substance decides to provide services to the new girl. He has a really good reason too: she needs my help more! I am a sensitive human being! (nook e omad be bazaar, kohneh mishe delazar!)
Gholaam Flake doesn’t understand boundaries or acts like he doesn’t. According to him, why limit ourselves? Human relationships don’t accept any limitation. He can lecture the old girl with all the BS possible to keep her in the loop with no more expectations. His services to the new human being (just good looking women!) includes caressing, kissing, and finally tucking her into her bed! Oh, well, according to him, the fact the girl is young, attractive, slut, and sexy doesn’t have anything to do with his decision for help! (Yah, right!!!)
Ah, we should not forget that the Gholaam Flake also uses all the charm he has for the new girl now. He plays Googoosh for her when driving her around and shows how sensitive he is! He even tries to memorize some poems and use them here and there! Just a show off to impress the girl! He really does his homework! Let’s give him some credit!
For the ex-woman, who is totally in love with Gholaam Flake at this point, he doesn’t have time. She is an old story and life goes on. Now she is a pain in the neck when she calls and expects to see him. Number of his calls and replies reduces dramatically as he gets busier with the new hunt. He states that he should work and is busy with his work and life and even gets rude and talks in a way he never did before. (be tu che, man ke nabaayad be tu gozaresh bedam!). Number of his visits reduces but still prefers to keep her in the picture to keep the social circle as it was before and also in case the new relationship turns around! Under the skin, he is very insecure and thinks: what the heck, lets’ have a harem, I can afford it!
Of course he needs his space for new hunts and informs the ex that she should share him and he doesn’t have time to see her much. If she asks more, he acts like a total jerk. The poor woman is trapped: emotionally and socially. He is still a Gholaam, but sorry, not yours anymore!
He is a flake, with no substance! He flies from this girl to that girl and for him this part of the world with all new comers and single women is heaven. A great meat market! Don’t get it wrong, he still can be sweet at times, after all he loves romance and may get sad when he finds out some girls act like himself and just used/played him!! That’s why he tries to keep as many women as possible in his modern harem!
The question is if you like to be a member of his new era harem where there is no wall or guard but your needs for support and love? It comes all to your basic values. Some women don’t mind as long as they receive what they are looking for: things like financial benefits or fun and parties or even just getting help learning and using English! But there is no reason for a free and strong woman to accept such situation.
For the woman who is trapped in his charm if she doesn’t act soon and gets herself out of the vicious circle of obsession and depression, he can cause a lot of emotional trouble. The situation will be similar to some women in Iran who let their husbands get married with the second/third wives!
One more thing about this guy: he is especially smart not to get into common law or marriage arrangement with any of these women. He knows money and the issues with getting involved in that level! He plans not to pay the penalty for fooling around! His approach is slightly different from the Utah polygamy. It’s more modern and adapted for the laws regarding financial support. He has the best situation of all, with no consequences. I should call him “Smarty Flake” after all! If the flow of Iranian women to Vancouver continues like this and with more men like Gholaam Flake, we should also change the name of the city to Utah!