Being typically Iranian, our heads in the sand when it comes to our own state affairs, and Oh so eager to criticize everything but our own stained underpants hanging out in full view of the world, I naturally looked to the recent election or sham of one, in Pakistan this week. Pervez Musharraf or as I like to call him Parviz Bisharaf, somehow squeaked out a win in the general election and simultaneously declared himself President and a state of emergency. Probably because he thinks the tributes and celebrations would get out of hand. This one man definition of the napoleon complex, has managed since 1999 to hold the weakest grip on power in a country still not known for being all that different from the India they separated from. Talk about a pointless secession! Pervez, is a mediocre product of the even more mediocre Pakistani army, famous for not winning even one battle victory against their cousins in the Indian army since the beginning of their hilarious conflict in 1947. That is, the army of India mind you, today being Columbus day, we need to be clear which army Pakistan couldn’t beat. Although I doubt Pakistan could beat ANY Indians regardless which type. By 1995 though, Pervez had worked his way up from 2nd Lieutenant in the artillery (hence his facial expression), all the way up to Army Chief of Staff appointed by the Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif, the man whom Pervez would soon exile in his coup d’etat in 1999. The reason? in 1999 Pervez, having gotten his chops losing every single battle against India that he was ever in, was the prime architect of what is now considered Pakistan’s biggest military blunder, the Kargil Conflict. As a result he was summarily fired by Sharif. Pervez responded with the coup, and banished Sharif as well as Benazir Bhutto, Pakistan’s former President, and in one swell foop, achieved the most important (and only) military victory of his career, albeit against his own country. To put the sheer ridiculousness of this one man in true perspective however, you have to add, harboring A.Q .Khan, the father of Pakistan’s current leading export, namely nuclear weapons technology, and coming up with the brilliant solution of letting the Taliban rebuild their franchises in Kashmir. And that would be enough, but as they say, there’s more! This green clad little man with a shiny silver gun, is labeled as the USA’s “… principle ally in the front line fight against religious extremism…”. Even I, just pissed my pants laughing, as I wrote this. So you see, I was all ready to complain and criticize about all this political oppression in Pakistan and how more and more these days, it seems as though the good die young, and bastards live forever. Then I had this cool plan on how I was going to point out yet another short little man with not much intellect, and less talent in absolute illegitimate power. Basically, I was going to say he sucked ass. But then I remembered that other than George Bush, nobody sucks more ass than the President of Iran, and that’s when I decided I didn’t really have much room, or the right to criticize others at this time in history, and that I should probably just shut up. So nevermind.