It used to be easy. Every couple of weeks or so, I would craft a thousand word essay on some topic or other, something meaty, hopefully something of substance, of wit, something my mother would read and say, “Good Boy.” I would send it off to Jahanshah, usually in an email, sometimes in html (anyone remember good old html?), usually with an image or 2 (we used to call them JPEGs), and it would get posted like a month later. Ah, the good old days! Now with the new feature of the blog, I must say I am working a lot harder to keep up. With instant replies, literally pouring in within minutes of posting it, you have to be on your toes. In the old days I would get an email or 2, about half and half, agreeing or disagreeing, almost always the politest of discourse. Now, I am routinely handed my ass back to me literally, quartered, marinated, and garnished with a nice ripe bilakh. Short of verbal rape, or a proctological exam. Now, being an egotistical Iranian male who likes to stretch his verbal “acumen” with the best of them, I have to admit, I relish a good fight. Especially when I think I can take the bastard (or bitch!). But being Iranian means you also have a sick and twisted side, so on occasion I also like to take a good honest beating, just to keep it real. We even have a quaint saying for it in Farsi. (No, you’ll have to post your guesses in your undoubted replies) Plus, Iranian men think chicks dig a black eye. Now, I don’t take any of this jabbing and vitriol seriously of course. (Yeah Right!) But I have to remind myself that this is only a blog. I know, some out there have deified blogs and bloggers as the collective next messiah, capable of saving the universe, the world, and after that, possibly even Iran. Some have even changed their names to match the names of their blogs. Worse, some have even been indicted and persecuted for them. If God is so powerful how can a blog made of words hurt him? I certainly don’t believe a blog can. It might sometimes seem like a particularly good blog could, but it really can’t. Unless your God is weak. My theory is that anything supported by Google ad payments calculated by simply including the words Ahmadinejad, George Bush, Dick Cheney, penis enlargement, erectile dysfunction, Viagra, Brittany Spears, and Paris Hilton somewhere in the body of it’s text, can’t beat the Almighty. Can it? (I can’t believe I was finally able to finally use “Ahmadinejad” and “erectile dysfunction” in the same sentence!) As much as we would like them to, in fact words in a blog can’t change the world. I’m sorry to break this news, but it is simply not enough to occasionally think of stuff, and then go and blog it. As Iranians this seems a difficult lesson to learn, that (smart, not stupid) actions and deeds, are more effective than any elegant composition or needle sharp criticisms we so easily bask in. Simply put, Action is Required. And batteries are not included. In the end, computers and word processing are no competition for the real “thing”. Or to put it another way, we should all put the laptop down every so often. Write less! Say Less! DO more! Go outside once in a while people! The graphics are awesome!
PS>Dear Jahanshah: If I promise to poignantly include Ahmadinejad, George Bush, Dick Cheney, penis enlargement, erectile dysfunction, Viagra, Brittany Spears, and Paris Hilton in each blog, can I get a piece of the action? Come on man! You can even pay me in Starbucks/iTunes cards!