Mother of all fitna

Recently there’s been a barrage of accusations, “damning evidence” and predictions of doomsday and mushroom clouds from the usual right wing figures pointing to Iran. It seems Iran is the biggest threat to world peace since Uncle Joe Stalin. “Iran’s hand” is at work in Afghanistan. It’s been reported that the poppy growers may be getting their seeds from Iranian intelligence. The Taliban’s resurgence in recent months is surely due to Iran’s assistance according to American officials. It’s possible that Iran is also funding PKK, the Kurdish armed group fighting the Turkish government for an independence Kurdistan. It’s also been suggested that Iran maybe funding Iranian Kurds to fight Iran to possibly provide it with an excuse to raid Iraqi Kurdistan and further destabilize the fragile Iraqi government. Hamas is said to be a proxy of Iran as is Hezballah in Lebanon. Iranians are said to be instigating fitna everywhere. Is it not possible that the recent Dutch movie Fitna was secretly financed by Iran? What better way to propagate further fitna in heart of Europe, a sort of Fitna begets fitna. When Senators McCain and Lieberman stumbled in different occasions and confused Iran with Iraq and Sunni with Shia, the distinguished Iranian journalist Amir Taheri came to rescue. In an opinion piece published in Wall Street Journal, Taheri reassured Americans that when it comes to terrorism and America hating, there is no difference between Shia and Sunny. Shia, mishmia. You say tomatoes, I say tomaatoes. After all Iranians over the age of 30 remember that popular revolutionary slogan “sonni o shia farghi nia, rahbar ma Khomeinia” (there is no difference between Sunni and Shia, our leader is Khomeini) once chanted in the streets of heavily Sunni Sanandaj. When it comes to hating the Great Satan, Taheri reminds American readers, Shia and Sunni are brothers in hate. Well, when they are not blowing each other to shreds or murdering each other in secret torture houses. And Alqaeda in Iraq? Funded by Iran. Yes, John and Joe, it’s Iraq not Iran. But I don’t fault the poor fellows. When I was a kid I used to think Bing Crosby and Bill Cosby was the same person. See, Crosby sort of sounded like Cosby and Bing and Bill, well you see how easily a 10-year-old Iranian boy could make the mistake. Of course now I know how silly that was. So John and Joe, I feel your shame. In his piece Taheri goes to great lengths to explain why an alliance between Shia Iran and Sunni terrorists is quite feasible. Politics not theology, Taheri prosthelizes, is what brings the Sunni terrorists and Shia Iran together. Sunni terrorists may not pray next to their allies in Iran’s Revolutionary Guards but they make suitable bed fellows just the same. And that’s Amir Taheri’s great epiphany. But wait a minute. Twenty years ago, during the reign of that great Christian holy warrior Ronald Reagan, the American government entered into the most unlikeliest of bedroom arrangement with the evil mullahs in Tehran better known as the Iran-Contra affair. The American government (Ollie North and Poindexter took most of the blame. Ronnie was “asleep” during the meetings when the deal with Iranians was discussed), in a covert operation unbeknown to the Congress, provided Iranians with weapons in exchange for cash. They then funneled said cash to Contra terrorists (freedom fighters. Tomatoes, tomaatoes, whatever) operating in Nicaragua. Now, if the Great Satan and a member of Axis of Evil can get into the bed together then anything is possible. Wouldn’t you say so Mr. Taheri?

P.s. According to unnamed sources, the CIA is investigating evidence that rising food prices world wide may also be the work of Iranians. The confidential operation has been nicknamed “mother of all fitna” by Bernard Lewis.

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