Love and The Married Woman

I have revived Kobra Khanoom’s advice column because the older I get the more ups and downs I experience, the more like her I become. So if you need a naneh to help you with a problem ask Kobra Khanoom and she will try her best to answer your question. It is, after all, up to you to listen. Your anonimity is held dear unless you want your name revealed! Email me at

Question: I have a crush on a married woman and she seems to like me a lot too-but we have never talked about it or had any inappropriate physical contact so to speak. What signs should I look for that would tell me it’s okay to make a move? Is it worth all the potential trouble?

Khanoom’s Kobra Answer: In order to answer you properly I need to know some specifics. Not having the details I will try to answer to different scenarios here.

If she is married to a friend then by all means stay away and keep away: get her off of your mind! Even theives and gangsters have certain values and one luti (iranian thugs with values to define it very roughly) value that seems to be universal among men and I think has a great civilizing effect on society is staying away from friends’ spouses and partners. Without this one principal then we all descend into the realm of animals.

If, however, the guy is a jerk and just an aquaintance then it is different. It also depends on whether she has children and seems reasonably happy. If there are small childern and an entrenched life with a husband even if there is no love and the passion between them has died then you have to think of the children’s interest first and stay away and keep away: get her off of your mind.

Infact even if she is single and has children living with her you have to first think of wether you can be committed enough to be good for the children. When children are involved no matter what the situation their welfare should be put above everyone else’s.

If the husband is a jerk, who is bad for the kids and her, you still have to ask yourself if you can be a good step-father and partner to her and her kid(s). You have to know that if you enter a relationship with a woman who has under-aged childern living with her whenever you do something to hurt her you are really hurting the innocent children as well. Only if you are madly in love, truly committed and capable of taking all that baggage and she and her kids are in a really bad marriage are you allowed to even begin approaching her. Even then extremely carefully and with utmost humility.

It is hard to handle one’s own children let alone someone else’s. A relationship with a mother of minor children can never really be light and is, by definition, serious. It is not for the young of mind and weak of heart. Only the truly courageous and selfless souls can take on a woman with minor childern and keep them all happy!

If there are no kids and the husband is a jerk and not a friend then go for it. The signs you should look for are no different than if she was not married. But remember women in bad marriages are vulnerable and you need to be careful go after her if you really think you could love her you don’t want to end up hurting someone for sport.

There is yet another possibility. She may be inkareh— meaning you may not be the first lover or the last. In that case if she is not married to a friend and does not have minor children then go for it. But be careful because you may get hurt! Men and women who are players are extremely prone to hurt those they seduce it is part of their way of feeding their egos. They are essentially insecure and bad people who make up for their hang-ups and short comings by stacking up the number of conquests they make. You are better off masterbating the rest of your life!

Khobra Khanoom

Send your questions to:

Meet Iranian Singles

Iranian Singles

Recipient Of The Serena Shim Award

Serena Shim Award
Meet your Persian Love Today!
Meet your Persian Love Today!