Several days ago I announced in a blog my very unhappy decision to leave this website permanently, and the word I used to explain myself was pain. Pain caused me by three very close friendships here in shambles, which I simply could no longer bear. Qumars Balourchian (Q), wrote a blog asking me to stay, and the word that made me re-think my decision was need He said this website needs me.
And he isn’t the first person who’s told me this, but the difference was that, while Q is someone I deeply, deeply respect and admire, he’s also someone I don’t know that well here. So I was very surprised and very very moved by his gesture. And so I began to re-think.
And then came other kind and supportive people, old friends and new. And then there was the usual handful of hateful, sadisitic comments from those deeply disturbed people we all have to somehow endure. Along with some ambivalent ones, which seemed to all implicitly or explicitly characterize me as a”Drama Queen.”
Well, I am often dramatic and I sometimes act like a Queen Bee, but I am not a drama queen. I do not compulsively create disruptive situations in order to attract attention. This situation is dead serious for me, and I would not have used the word pain lightly. nor would I have in fact even remotely considered for five minutes leaving this website were not the situation dead serious. Because quite frankly I’ve devoted my life to this website since last year. (And why, you may be wondering, would anyone other than Jahanshah do that, and my provisional response to you is, why not?).
So here is my decision about what I’d like to happen: I will remain here for two weeks time during which I will write several blogs and one article that I really feel are important, some I’ve been working on for a while, others new, and also hopefully consolidate my new relationships with some of the people I’ve just been meeting because of my other recent hiatus (yes, related…). After these two weeks I will leave for a minimum of two months and when I return, I will place my major focus on the political work I used to do here last year, which I would characterize as helping out in achieving complete Truth and Reconciliation among the various political factions in our little blogging family–an initiai goal. (I know, I know, a whole bunch of you are rolling your eyes right now and thinking what a grandiose, pretentious bitch, and you know what? You’re no longer of concern to me. So roll away). Needless to say, I’ll continue to write poetry and satire as well.
That is what I hope for. Unfortunately, in order for it to be able to happen, I’m afraid I need to write one more blog, because an aspect of all this needs to be much further examined if I am to be able to return. So I have to ask the people who’ve stuck by me these past few excruciating days to hang on just a little longer and keep an eye out for this next blog. Because I’m gonna need your support. Meantime, thanks to everyone who’s been here for me, from the very bottom of my right now very bottomless heart. But I do have to give some special thanks to American Wife, Souri, and Kouroush Sassanian.
And as for Q….well, Q, if you hadn’t forced me to face that Quintessential Question–who benefits really from my leaving permanently if I need the website and some on it feel the website needs me?–Q,…I’d’ve been gone tomorrow a.m. with my account deleted and my computer blocked as I’d requested of Jahanshshah in that first blog. And I can assure all of you that once having done that, it would’ve been for good.