So far, 2008 has spawned an unusually high number of self appointed leaders, visible in the media, and even more so, within Iranian communities around the world.
These wonderboys and wondergirls, take their cues from and often refer to our grand tradition and long history, as justification. Forgetting our other less mentioned grand tradition and history, namely that Iranians hold the record for being the longest running dictatorship plagued people in the galaxy. We are the Miss Canada, Miss USA, Miss World, and Miss Universe of the politically oppressed. We have been oppressed for so long, that when Cyrus the Great invented basic human rights, he didn’t give us any.
These folks though, take it upon themselves to squander Iranian energy and wealth towards achieving their well-intentioned dreams. And in many cases these are actual dreams. So eager are they to “Save Us All” singlehandedly, that they immediately toss aside all reason, obvious procedure, and established methodology, and run headlong into the brick wall of naivete.
So for all you who think you have leadership potential, and worse, “A Cool Idea”, take heed and put yourself through this simple 10 point test. If you are any of these, take a breath, take a valium, sit down for a minute and read a Constitution, US, French, Dutch. (Note: Do not read the Iranian Constitution, that is written by people like you, who failed this test.)
Top 10 ways to tell if You are a Dictator:
1- You go ahead and start your “Community-Based Organization in secret, with you and a few trusted friends representing “the community”, and keep the news to yourselves and only invite American politicians, and the non-Iranian Press to your grand opening. And you think no one suspects.
2- Your idea of fund raising is to invite silicon valley millionaires and their fat silicone injected wives to a $9 buffet and call it a Banquet or Gala.
3- You don’t see any upside in inviting the general public to any of your events. To further keep the riff-raff out, you charge a $70 membership fee.
4- Even though you were a league leading scorer, you think that makes you qualified to coach the national Iranian soccer team.
5- You are rich, and your wealth comes primarily from ANY stock related transaction during the 90’s, and you haven’t done shit since.
6- You are an engineer, or a programmer. Look at the words “engineer”, and “programmer” again, carefully.
7- Your idea of being an inspiration to others is to buy a Space Vacation from a Russian website.
8- Your book is about you growing up in Iran as a middle class girl at anytime before, during, or after the revolution, with constant references to your grandmother’s cooking and her unsolicited nuggets of wisdom.
9- Your stated “Mission” is Iranian women’s rights, but deep down you know it’s really because you’re a lesbian.
10- You get wet when anyone mentions 501(c)(3).
Note: Apologies for the bitter cycnicism, I honestly can’t take it anymore.
Therapy is Sacred!
