The Reflections:
In my usual travels abroad, one thing has become clear, I always had the most “fun” when I was travelling in former communist and current socialist nations like Poland, Czech Republic, and Cuba.
I have difficulty explaining to you why my opposite sex in these countries seems to be more receptive to my approach and more likely to hold my hands and build bridges with me. However, I can re-iterate some possible answers that have crossed my conversations. Some friends suggest that it is perhaps the perception of someone from a rich nation like Canada that makes these people excited for my love. Yet equally valid could be the culture that may exist in the psyche of quite a lot of the people in these nations; that sexuality does not have a price and basic attraction is enough! Falling in love with the first look is a common occurrence in these countries.
In my opinion, the more modern and “civilized” nations that I have travelled to (Sweden, France, Germany, etc.) the more layered the expression of sexuality! More likely than not, in order to get love, a boy must first show power and dominate his future lover! In my very own Canada for example, there is a show on Comedy Channel Keys to the VIP, where guys are forced to act a certain way and present “game” to the opposite sex in order to attract them. Game is a form of domination.
Why Domination?
Based on my life experience, the psyche of people from birth seems to be influenced by parents, media, culture, religion etc. These forces of coercsion control how we form opinions about the world, how to live our lives, who to trust, and who to appreciate, respect, and only then eventually love. The decisions we make every moment are partially affected by what we were told and what we experienced in the past.
That is why so many little girls for example learn that it is important for their match to be a good provider. Many little boys get the parental advice: get a good job; become a doctor or engineer, perhaps in order to increase their chances of having more options in picking sexual partners.
“Game” as presented by Keys to the VIP seems to be a certain way of speaking and carrying oneself that resonate power and ability to dominate. If you can prove to a girl that you are better than she is (being better usually means that you have more “power” than she does; maybe more money) you can earn her love: she will cuddle with you!
Get Your Hands Out of My Pocket!
People have basic needs. Despite our sex, we all need to eat, be clothed and sheltered for the elements; but I think that above all, we need to be loved!
In studies done on apes for example, baby apes were more likely to drink from a bottle of milk coming from a source that was cuddly versus the basic bottle of milk.
I think that this is also the reality of what human beings need: holding each other and being intimate! We all see, feel pain, love, get heartbroken, smell etc. the same way! Cross-culturally, our family dynamics and friendships take similar turns and twists. Most of us simply want to be happy and the one chromosome that makes a boy different from a girl and the one gene that makes a black different from a white in reality, I do not think, does much in separating us; unless we allow it in our thought processes! Whether a beggar or a king, human beings seem to be more or less similar when it comes to these basic needs and basic experiences of the world that we occupy.
Put your love in the hands of the corporation, the capitalist, and solely materialistic entities, and they “separate and conquer” us. Instead of inclusion, we have exclusion. Instead of dancing together, we get house music (no offense to house music lovers, but it is so difficult to meet anyone while in such an atmosphere)! The corporate calls the basic and beautiful need of every human to be loved, “desperation;” we are told from birth that we should hide these needs. Sexuality in a conservative, religious, or capitalist society is a taboo and the expression of sexuality is put under certain constraints.
For example, only when those constraints are met, only if the boy has “game,” or if he is rich or acts like a good provider, can the girl express our inner desires and needs!
You are hungry, but you should not eat; you are thirsty but you should not drink, “what would other people think?” As a result, loaded terms such as “slut” are used to dominate women and control their sexuality. On the other hand, a male “slut” is unfairly celebrated as a “player” by various mediums.
Capitalist’s Shameless Act of Self Promotion
I must admit. I do come from a well-off background. That is why however that from a point of advantage, it makes me even more enthusiastic to express my findings about how I have freely gained an advantage over so many of my brothers around the world. In my opinion, many people with money, with access to media, religious elite, politicians and other powerful men since the dawn of civilization and the organization of society into a social ladder have shamelessly promoted certain materialistic qualities as worthy. Of course, they would: they are the ones with money and power, so these men promote the exchange of love for money and power!
That is why, rarely is kindness, innocence, true love, and enthusiasm are promoted as commendable descriptions about which mothers would tell their daughters. Instead, generations after generation, mothers would be more likely to utter the words, “you should marry a rich guy!”
Understanding is Empowerment
Perhaps next time you meet a secretary or waiter who is not very nice to you, you should realize that “sexual frustration” is all around us. He or she needs a smile, and yet hides that need under a wall of cultural, religious, and political inhibitions!
The capitalist and dominating mediums such as popular culture re-enforce “tough love.” People have to work hard in order to make the money, and as Al Pacino’s character – Toney Montana – in Scarface so brutally puts it, “in this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.”
I want to say that this way of life does not have to stand! Our bodies and therefore our minds are wonderful worlds full of needs and desires; do not keep yourself thirsty! Love is the easiest thing on Earth: it is about giving. Love gives way to life and if life is being achieved billions of times around you while reading this article, then so can love be easily achieved! Giving should not come at a price.
