Newsflash: Iran isn’t a big deal


I’m pretty sick of the Iran in the news bits. It’s just a case of SSDD: same shit different day. Yesterday was the first time that I was like “wow, Iran is pretty stupid.” 

Did you see the 60 minutes story last night about Basra? Basically, the insurgents were being pains in the asses, rubbing their militant Islam in everyone’s blood and brains, shooting and killing women when finally, the US decided to move in. Except Mr. Prime Minister, Nouri asked them to back off and please let the big Iraqi boys take care of Basra.

Well 60 minutes showed how the Iraqi army moved in and most of them defected with their hands cupping their scrotums at the sight of the savage insurgents. Big Surprise!

Nouri called America and said “ghalat kardeem” on repeat for a while and the US forces moved in. Well do you know how long it took them to clean up that hell hole? Not even a day.

Well they showed Basra now and it looks like New Jersey! The women were shopping, eating in public, people were drinking and smoking, selling CDs and DVDs.

Now I’m not saying this because I want Iran to be attacked, but next time you are at a dinner party and your obese and senile, but sweet and loving, uncle/father-in-law/ammeh/nanneh says “Iran will be a giant pain in America’s ass. The war will be bloody and very difficult to manage”, you tell him or her about the fucking tale of Basra and how all those militants were cupping THEIR scrotums when the Americans came in.

Incidentally, CIA Legacy of Ashes is out in paperback and my cheap salary permitted me to purchase a copy (I’m helping the economy, right?). There is a section on the revolution and how pissed the revolutionary guard was to find out how stupid and ill-prepared the CIA officials were in Iran. They were INSULTED that more intelligent, well-educated CIA agents weren’t in Iran. NewsflasH: The world doesn’t revolve around Iran. Even the CIA. I think it’s STILL true. Does it really matter whether that “benign dictator” shah is ruling or the new assholes are in charge? Not to the CIA. The Iranian blobs are still walking around, buying bread, and talking lots of shit. Let’s face it. Iranians just blow tons of steam.

I know this blog is going to get some monarchist war hormones a ragin’ BUT that’s because they are very obsessed with the “might of the Iranian military” like a 15 year old boy is with his shortest leg. This is simply a white flag.  

I think this nuclear thing is also a big smoke and mirrors campaign by Mr. Benjamin NetanYAHOO to get votes and popularity in “defending” Israel. Politics as usual as GoverNOr Sarah Palin once said.

The moral of this dumb blog is that Iran isn’t as important as we think. I think Iran’s leaders should be thanking the dogs above for how lucky they are America didn’t waste some tax payer funds and blow them to bits, regardless of the “legality” of it.

I think the worst insult to Iran hasn’t been no visas or embassy. It’s that America really doesn’t give a damn! Actions speak louder and well America doesn’t give a crap, not that they should. That would be a little shady. But even when Iran was “important” before revolution, the CIA sent a bunch of dummies. LOL.

Syria had their nuclear facility blown to bits and no one said or did a damn thing. If Iran is attacked, I think the same thing is true. So stop making such a big deal about this. Syria did not do a damn thing and now they are begging America for a pinch on the butt cheek. 

P.S. I also purchased HONEYMOON IN TEHRAN. I know what you are thinking but in the interest of full disclosure, I will say that I hid this damn book under my scarf. I was so embarrassed. I know Moaveni is a very cheesy and romantic writer – the title says it all! – but I couldn’t resist… It was either THAT or Christopher Moore’s new book FOOL OR that snore festival by Azar Nafisi (let’s face it, her books are much more fun for Anglo audiences)

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