The Meaning of George

I recently found out where the name George comes from.
It’s kind of an odd story concerning a very popular name.
First, there is the state of Georgia in the US.
Then there’s the province of Georgia in Central Asia.

Georgia is the westernize form of the name Gorgias,
In the East, its referred to as Gorgiastan.

Also, the name George is related to the adjective gorgeous.
There’s a reason why we use the word gorgeous
to describe remarkably good looking people.

Story goes something like this. Way back, in the time of the Khazarian empire,
in the area we know as central Asia. In and around that same area, many hundred years prior,
there existed other empires, the Babylonians,
the Sumerians, Akkadian, Medians, Persians,
and circa 500 AD, the land was under the sway of the Khazarian kings.

One day, it occurred to one of the kings to take a survey of the empire.
To the south, at six o’clock position, he caught sight of the Iranian people
all the way down to the gulf.

“Wazir, aren’t these the ugliest people you’ve ever seen?!”

“Your majesty if only they were just ugly. I can smell Persian onion breath from here.”

The king looked out and saw a nation teaming with extras from the movie,
‘The Deliverance’, or maybe from ‘2001 the space Odyssey.’

Short, squat, hairy people who grunted.
He couldn’t tell the women from the men.
He decided right then and there to set matters straight.
He looked all around the realm and lo and behold he spotted something.

“Goodness, Wazir, who are those outrageously good looking people at 10 o’clock position?!”

“Why your lordship, those fine looking people are from the province of Gorgias,
they’re Gorgiastanian. They’re cute aren’t they?”

“Are you kidding me? There’s not even one, that’s just plain old attractive!
They’re all extremely good looking people! Wazier, I’m having a weird day.
First the ugly Iranian surprise and now this.”

A light bulb went off above his head.
Soon enough, by decree from the king,
Gorgians got their marching orders.
Able bodied, young, single, lusty troopers
from 10 o’clock position set out for 6 o’clock position.
Caravan after caravan carrying human cargo,
good looking human cargo bound for Tehran, Isfahan, and Abbadan.

It would seem a wee bit of social engineering took place.
Sad for the Iranians. Makes you wonder, how ugly were these people,
that someone would be bothered enough to take the trouble?

It could have been worse. The king could have taken one look at those ugly Iranians and shouted.

“Ugly people alert, I repeat Ugly People alert!
Wazir, did you hear me? Ugly People Alert!”

“We heard you, you’re highness. Are you sure?”

“How many times do I have to say it? Ugly people alert!”


No that’s not what the king did.
He looked out and saw people that were ugly unto him
but instead of killing them,
he forced them to have sex with gorgeous people.

I mean, what kind of a king do you have to be to pull off a stunt like that?

“Wazir, do you think I’m popular?”

“Well, your majesty since that scandal broke out about, ‘Let them have sex’,
you’re doing pretty good. Look for yourself.”

“Dear, beloved peasants and assorted sundry of apes,
…what are you looking at me for? The revolution will not being
until you get humping. Put away those contraceptives!”

“What are we going to do with all the babies?”

“Raise them. Duh! Raise them as your own. That’s the point of this exercise!”

Some poor hairy villager, totally confused, he’s thinking, what has the king ever done for me?

“Well for one thing Xerxes, you’re off the hook,
you don’t have to marry your cousin Anahita anymore.
Not to mention, the king set you up with a gorgeous chick from out of town.
I mean grab a brain Xerxes.”
“You’re right. Long live the king!”

Strikes me as a loopy Yenta king, always on the go,
setting things straight, fixing that leak over there,
plugging that hole over there.
Busy, busy, busy.

“Long live the king! A party for the king!”

“No can do, my lowly peasants. I’d love to stay and chat with you cats,
but I’m off to the Dardanelles, something is up with the Turks.
I mean your problem was easy. You’re just a bunch of ugly Iranians!
I can fix that, like that, but what about the Turks?
…I could always breed the Turk out of the Turk?”

Off he goes, busy, busy, busy.

“Xerxes, you do have to eat that banana?”

“What’s wrong with the banana?”

“It’s not the banana. It’s you eating the banana.
Xerxes, people like you should not be eating bananas.
You’re short, squat and hairy.
When you eat a banana, it’s bound to confuse people.
I’m just saying Xerxes, do yourself a favor,
when the invasion starts and the chicks get here put away the banana.
I’m just saying Xerxes. You don’t want to scare them do you?
You don’t want them thinking, they’ve died and gone to hell?
Put away the banana and sit up straight.
Take your knuckles off the ground. Stop grunting.”

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