I was walking down the street in Copley Square in Boston the other day and enjoying a delicious McIntosh apple when the thought occurred to me: since I am one of the most prolific commenters on Jaleho’s blogs, perhaps she will do me the courtesy of sending me an advance copy of her next blog so that I can prepare my comments in advance. So, I picked up the phone and called her, and she was generous enough to send me a rough draft of her next blog. She asked me not to share it with anyone, but being the sneaky person that I am, I will renege on that agreement, and will post the blog. As you can see, it is unfinished and a bit unorganized (being that it’s a rough draft), with many notes to self, etc. But one can get the general meaning. So, here it is:
The great Islamic revolution that happened thirty years ago, and which continues today, is the greatest achievement in human history, even a greater achievement than the invention of the wheel. Every single person in Iran supports this revolution and the glorious Islamic Republic of Iran, even those under the age of two who are not yet toilet trained.
Today, the glorious Islamic Republic is the greatest country in the world in all aspects of technology, agriculture, aviation, space technology and arctic research. They even clone animals, including the ones who are members of the great president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s cabinet.
The Islamic Republic has boldly and gloriously stood up to the expansionist Israel and Zionists (insert Walt & Mearshheimer) and has stopped the Israeli expansion into Hamedan, Kerman and Najaf Abad. It has also stood up to Colonialism when they tried to colonize Firoozabad. It is all about Israeli expansionism and greater Israel (insert Walt & Mearshheimer). If it wasn’t for Israel, people would not be beaten over the head with batons in the streets of Tehran after the elections. It was Israel, which wanted to belittle the great Islamic revolution by telling people that 500 million people did not voted for the brave Zionist killer President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (insert Walt & Mearshheimer and relate to Ahmadinejad being brave), when, in fact, they had.
Dumb Americans are afraid of the great Islamic Revolution. That is why they use Twitter, Facebook, XBox and Nintendo DS to create images of demonstrators in the street of Tehran. Those images, which somehow came to life, outnumbered poor Ahmadinejad’s supporters who were going about their business buying haleem from the local “kaleh pacheh” restaurant while carrying 6 foot sticks, knives, AK-47’s and riding on motorcycles. The sticks were obviously being carried to stir the haleem (insert Walt & Mearshheimer and relate to haleem). That is why those brave and glorious Ahmadinejad supporters were left with no option but to crack open the skull of these tools of Facebook, Twitter and Nintendo. The only non-dumb American is Obama, who feels colonialism in his bones. In fact, he feels colonialism in his bones so much that it has caused permanent damage to his L-3 and L-4 lumbar vertebras, and he now has to have surgery on his back. See what you have done to the world, you colonialists? Shame on you. Now the man can’t play basketball anymore.
They should realize that this is the “evolution of the revolution” in Iran. Juts like there was “evolution of revolution” in glorious Russia (note to self: Russians not dumb and very evolved). The glorious president Medvedev, who so bravely stood up to the colonial tool Farid Zakaria when Zakaria was trying to make him Mousavi’s bitch, was a perfect example of this evolution. Look at Chechnya. Have you seen all the efforts that the great evolved and glorious Russians have to put in to make these sub-humans reach the level of Palestinian humanity so that we can finally declare them full fledged Muslims and declare that their cause is worthy of being taken up as a messianic cause like the great Palestinian nation? What has Russia not done for these un-evolved troglodytes? It has taken their land, leveled their homes, killed tens of thousands of them, tortured and jailed the same number, raped their women and is ruling them under an apartheid system through a puppet regime, and it has done all of this to beat the animalism out of them. But after all that Russia has gone through just to educate these people that they cannot have their own land and they cannot practice their religion in peace (which is for their own good), and even though they are Muslims and are closer to Iran than Israel, the glorious President Ahmadinejad cannot take up their cause because they are not evolved…that, and he’s waiting for the delivery of S-300 advanced air defense systems and nuclear reactors from Russia, support at UN form Russia, etc….So, the Chechen evolution has to wait. As opposed to Palestine which is fully evolved and is worthy of being our cause because Israel doesn’t sell us S-300’s (insert Walt & Mearshheimer and relate to Chechens not being evolved).
The Islamic Republic is the greatest democracy in the universe, and that includes other planets in the solar system which President Ahmadinejad has visited in his Safir rocket. Now Mousavi and his Green movement, which are entirely controlled by MySpace and Nintendo Wii, are trying to ruin that democracy by their wanting not to be killed in the streets and such. But that poor attempt at being humans will not work. So, you “Green” weasels, no matter how much you try to have a revolution with your Twitter, Facebook, Halo 3 or even Atari, know that you will not get far. President Ahmadinejad is right and Mousavi is wrong. And Ahmadinejad proved that he is right with his most powerful educational tool: tear gas.