What I Found When I Hacked Into JJ’s Email, Part I

I have always been fascinated with this Jahanshah Javid character.  I have always wanted to know what makes this creature, who—if you look really closely—kind of looks like Dick Cheney with hair, tick.  After all, he is the owner, MC, the Zen master and the Grand Ayatollah of this site to which we are all addicted.  So, I asked around, but given the fact that I do not live in San Francisco (which also makes me not gay) or the surrounding area, no one knew who, or what for that matter, I was talking about when I mentioned the name Jahanshah Javid (on one occasion someone did actually know him…but let’s not go there).

So, I did the next best thing in order to quench my insatiable taste for knowledge about our favorite former revolutionary, Mr. Javid: I violated several federal (and possibly state) laws and hacked into his email.  At first, there wasn’t a lot that grabbed my attention, just a lot of online bills that he had paid–you know–the usual stuff, the phone bill, credit cards, donations to the Christian Coalition, bills for the Moonlight Bunny Ranch, which I assume is some kind of a rabbit rescue program, etc.  By the way, as an animal lover, I applaud Mr. Javid for his contribution to what appears to be a very worthy cause.

But as I scrolled down through his email messages, though, I began to notice things that confirmed the rumors and accusations on this site that Mr. Javid is really an Islamist, Zionist, Mossad trained, Hezbollah hugging, communist, Baha’i loving, CIA tool.  My suspicions were confirmed by reading the following emails, which I will cut and paste here. 

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To: jj@iranian.com

From: natanyahu@israel.gov

Date” October 1, 2009

Subject: Zionist propaganda on Iranian.com

Dear JJ,

I am writing to personally thank you for all your efforts in propagating Zionism on your website, and for deleting all anti-Zionist comments from your site (and also for keeping all my comments when I write under my username “Jaleho”).  Your monthly payment of $5,000.00, which I personally took out of UN relief fund for Gaza, will be wired to your bank account.  Shalom.  Love and kisses, Benji.

To: jj@iranian.com

From: jannati@IRI.gov

Date” October 1, 2009

Subject: IRI propaganda on Iranian.com

Dear JJ,

I am writing to personally thank you for all your efforts in spreading IRI propaganda on your website, and for deleting all anti-IRI comments from your site (and also for keeping all my comments when I write under my username “anonymous111.2”).  Your monthly payment of $5,000.00, which I personally took out of Mousavi’s campaign fund, will be wired to your bank account.  Wasallam.

To: jj@iranian.com

From: agent984567@cia.gov

Date” October 1, 2009

Subject: CIA propaganda on Iranian.com

Dear JJ,

I am writing to personally thank you for all your efforts in propagating CIA’s point of view on your website, and for deleting all comments that expose our dirty work from your site (and also for keeping all my comments when I write under my username “Mola Nassredin”). Your monthly payment of $5,000.00, which I personally took out of Fouad Khomous’ income tax refund, will be wired to your bank account.  ttyl.

 

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I am not going to bore you with the emails from Putin and the Baha’i guy, but I do want to post this rather strange email from someone in the Nigerian government:

To: jj@iranian.com

From: thelostprince@nigeria.gov

Date” October 1, 2009

Subject: email list from Iranian.com

Dear JJ,

I am writing to personally thank you for all your efforts in providing us with the user list and email addresses for all Iranian.com users.  This will enable us to inform every single one of them of the millions of dollars that are waiting for them in unclaimed royal money in Nigeria.

Your payment of $5,000.00, which I personally took out of the prince’s bank account, will be wired to your account.  Before that happens, however, please send us a check in the amount of $100.00 for the processing fees.  May God bless your soul. 

 

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After reading these emails, I scrolled down a bit further, and then, I hit the jackpot.  I found a draft copy of the proposed changes to the new Iranian.com comment policy.  BUT, knowing that the attention span of the average Iranian.com reader is about that of a fruit fly, and for purely vain reasons, I will not post it in this blog…because you won’t read it…it will be “too long”.  I will post it in my next blog. 

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