If you find yourself interested in the title of my blog read:
http://primal-page.com/madonna.htm
Last night I was at a holiday dinner party when I noticed the grim look on Sophie’s face. She texted me from across the table to go outside for a chat. We found a shelter from the rain, lit our cigarettes, and then she spoke as a tear glistened on her cheek below the dark circles around those usually vibrant dark brown eyes.
“What’s wrong?” I asked. “I’ve been meaning to ask you all through dinner.”
“You know Monda, Farid and I are breaking up. He says he just cannot for the life of him figure out who I am to him!”
I met Sophie through my Human Sexuality professor in my third year of graduate school. She is an accomplished human rights attorney who financed her education through exotic dancing in an established SF club. The topic of discussion in our class was the impact of legalization of prostitution on psycho therapeutic models. Sophie was there to educate us about her most personal information as it related to our field.
After my research paper was completed Sophie and I kept our contact.
Twice a year we have lunch or dinner. Two years ago I found out that she was in a committed relationship with an Iranian-American man for four years at that point. Farid was, Sophie and I acknowledged, one of the essential topics of our conversations each time we met. Not only because he and I shared a similar background because of our nationality but also because he turned out to be of a family whose values I was very familiar with. Farid’s sister was an old friend of my cousin’s.
During our lunch last summer Sophie talked to me about the possibility of moving in a house with Farid, which however was not intended to lead to marriage. Things were good because of the nature of their relationship and their professions. And as American as she is, the expression “sari ke dard nemikoneh chera dastmaal bebandi?” made sense to her as she gave me her big bright smile with many dimples around it.
Sophie could not be a mother, so that was that – for her anyway. Farid, on the other hand, was a different story. I well knew, I shared with Sophie, that he was raised in a prominent, traditional Iranian family.
I explained to her my perspective of Farid’s family values and even cautioned her about some of his probable cultural dilemmas, even after 34years of living outside of Iran.
Our discussion of Sophie’s serious decision process regarding her cohabitation with Farid, somehow led to how she and Farid communicated sexually. I was specifically curious about how Farid related to his lover’s exotic dancing background. This opened a very sincere and bonding discussion between us. Sophie admitted to me that many times over the years she has found herself baffled by Farid’s mood swings after what she considered the most satisfying sensual/sexual experience. She had trouble figuring out the reasons for his silence, withdrawal, and loss of connection with her –immediately after they had the most fabulous erotic experience together. It was not about either partner having had a long day, feeling physically exhausted or having to immediately tackle other tasks.
Thus we explored the topic leading us to some conclusions, a few of which are as following:
Most men of Middle-eastern and Mediterranean backgrounds are inflicted by this dichotomy: lover versus woman as their mother. A woman, in their unconscious male psyche, cannot represent both ideas. This may explain why the sweet wordsand gestures stop flowing toward a woman once she has had sexual encounters with a man.
