US Congress to consider House Resolution 268 on How to Pronounce Iran and Iranian.

Following on the momentum of the momentous passing of the recent House Resolution 267 which finally recognized NoRooz, the Democrat controlled House immediately announced plans for Resolution 268 to next recognize how to actually pronounce Iran and Iranian.

The current habit by senators and congressmen primarily from the Southern States, has them pronouncing Iran as, Ah-Ran, and Iranian as, Ah-Ray-Nee-Un. The minority Republicans led by Mitch “They don’t call me Mitch for nuthin” McConnell, objected to the Resolution and claimed it was an attempt by the Democrats and the White House, to tongue-tie the Republicans, allowing the Democrats to pass HealthCare Reform. However, Nancy Pelosi in a rare display of consciousness, objected to this, by stating that Resolution 268 calls for the first person required to take the Farsi awareness class to be Congressman Honda (D) California, who oddly enough was the primary force and sponsor behind House Resolution 267, recognizing NoRooz.

Resolution 268 however, calls for ALL members of Congress to take a required Farsi awareness training class, in which the following pronunciations would be taught to them:

Iran, Iranian, Nuclear, the KHHH sound, the GHHHH sound, how to not let the other person pay for lunch, and most importantly refusing to take fruit or dessert when offered by an Iranian while visiting them in their home.

The course will be taught by Dr. Yarshater, who gained notoriety by being the first person to invent his own Farsi language by spelling NoRooz as NowRuz, and who also created the  30+ year old Encyclopedia Iranica project (currently stuck on the letter L), which was recently made obsolete by 6 grad students, a case of beer, and the dare that they could post the entire known history of Iran on Wikipedia in less than a weekend.

To translate Dr. Yarshater’s Farsi into proper Farsi, and then into English, and to help keep the Congressmen awake, PAAIA the Pubic Affairs Antagonists of Iranian Americans has tasked former Headline News Babe, Rudi Bakhtiar to button and unbutton just the top few buttons of her shirt, while slowly licking her lips during the sessions.

Please send your support for this impotent resolution. While the Senators and Congressmen are busy fighting, now is our chance to get them to pass these kinds of impotent resolutions. It is more impotent than ever to show just what kinds of Americans we Iranians are willing to become. Or can be if only you would only like us more than you like the Indians.

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