One of the IRI troopers on this site enjoys coming to my blogs, to curse me as a Jew (Yahoodi). I always found those posts offensive and cursed him back, but after his last attack, I had these thoughts:
1- Why do I get so offended by his accusation?
2- What if I actually were a Jew?
To answer the number 1 question, I had to be really honest with myself and dig deep into my inner thoughts and biases. As any other kid brought up in the streets of Tehran, I always associated the Jews with filth and fear. The suffix after calling someone a Jew was either Kasif or Tarso. So naturally, as a proud boy, I never wanted to be associated with kids carrying either of those nasty adjectives.
The second what-if question is a bit easier to answer. I have a large nose as well as a large circumcised … oops. So without any identification papers, I could have been picked up by the Nazi SS as one of the Jewish rats, destined for extermination. Then I did some more thinking to see what would have happened if I was really a Jew, and came up with the following answers.
1- I would still have loved the ham and cheese sandwich, the bacon cheeseburger and the pepperoni pizza.
2- I’d be still chasing the Shiksa blonde girls, although their IQ is half the minimum level for mating, as recommended by the Rabbi.
3- If some Arab terrorist threw mortar and missiles at my town, I would go and bomb the crap out of their neighborhood guerrilla base.
4- If the nut job president of an Islamist country threatened to destroy my nation, and then went on to build some nuclear stuff, I’d have gone and destroyed all his atomic toys.
What the fuck? I haven’t had a bowl of Matzo balls and already my Jewish vein is throbbing like a time bomb!