You Are Not Iranian.

This week I learned something interesting  here about Iran. I learned that none of you are Iranian.

You’re not Iranian and you’re not Nationalists and all of you are agents of someone or other. You’re a special kind of spy called  a ‘Cyber Warrior’ that sits at a computer screen night and day, typing, typing, 24/7, while drinking lattes in Los Angeles. And you must be handsomely paid for it too, because that’s a helluva lot of lattes. You must not like this website very much if you’re only in it for the money, not one single one of you speaks fluent Persian, and you’ve never been to Iran.

So here’s the thing. I am not Iranian either. In fact, I’m one of the least Iranian of anybody here. And I have proof. I took this test once and I didn’t get a single question right. (Well, except for the one about arriving late to parties).

I’m bored of New York, I like  LA, my Persian sucks, and I like lattes . I already sit at a computer screen night and day, typing, typing 24/7, and I don’t even get paid for it. I’m not too hot on this website either, because all you people do is scream at each other, night and day. 24/7, about how none of you are Iranian. I’m not an Iranian nationalist because, as I mentioned above, I’m not Iranian. And I’ve never been to Iran.

I have all the qualifications for a Cyber Warrior, am willing to relocate, and if necessary, start at the bottom and train. I am cooperative and train well, but very temperamental, so I can scream as good as the next guy.

So what I’d like to know is if they’re hiring, could you please leave the contact information for your employer here, so I can send in my resume. And can I use you as a reference.

I need a job.

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