A Fictional Tale about the Recent Claims by Rahim Mashaei, the Father of Ahmadinejad’s Daughter-in-law that the Hidden Imam is in Direct Contact with Them!
The 12th Imam had been feeling isolated lately! He had not attended any of the board meetings or conference calls and the employees and the customers have not had heard from him for quite a while! The new CEO, Rahbar Faghih, had taken the reins of the organization and had become the single conduit between him and the stockholders!
As the acting Chairman of the Board of Shia Islam he had set the vision for the organization a long time ago and had delegated the operational activities to his senior management team. But to his dismay, Rahber has been assuming more and more operational responsibilities and had created a bottle neck at the top. Rahbar had claimed that he had seen the Hidden One at the company gym and they even played a few rounds of racquetball! Mashaei countered that claim and said that he and Ahmadi have brown bag lunches with Mehdi regularly! So to set the record straight, the 12th Imam drafted a memo and sent it out to the management team and employees!
“As many of you know, our company has faced some difficult times lately. Our stock prices have been depressed, our retail marketing efforts in the emerging markets have not produced the expected results and, we are witnessing the emergence of competitors in key Middle Eastern markets. As such, I am putting in place the following steps to ensure the future success of our organization.
1. Starting immediately, I will remove layers of management and flatten our organization. I will be communicating directly with all of my management team and our key customers. I will listen to their prayers and will provide guidance as necessary.
2. We will cease operations and discontinue our retail marketing efforts in places where our messages are not resonating like Tunis, Egypt, Libya and Yemen.
3. We will accelerate our operations in markets where we have a strong foothold and we will increase our investment in R&D and marketing in Lebanon, Syria, Iraq, and Afghanistan.
4. Finally, we will become more opportunistic in emerging markets of Bahrain and UAE and will try to take advantage of opportunities as they present themselves.
We have much to be proud of and much to look forward to.”
Rahbar and Fox News immediately rejected the memo out-of-hand and questioned its authenticity.
They also demanded to see 12th Imam’s birth certificate!