Obama: My fellow Americans I have some distressing news that I must report to you. We have highly reliable evidence that a Special Branch of Irans Secret Service (The Qods Force) planned to kill the Ambassador of Saudi Arabia to the USA on US Soil. They paid a mexican drug cartel to do the job, and had a broke Iranian used car dealer organize the operation. We can back up this Information 100%. We would never make such serious allegations if we were not 100% certain of our ability to back up our claims. Whats more the Qods force planned other attacks on our soil. They planned on Assasinating The Russian President Putin during a music concert we wanted to hold for him at the white house. They were planning on training a look alike of Madonna to carry out the task, and in the meanwhile they also planned taking Madonna as a Hostage right on American Soil. Furthermore, the Iranians planned on performing a co-ordinated attack on Chuckee-Cheese while the Chinese Ambassador and his wife attended. We have accurate proof that they planned on using not only the Hell’s Angels on this attack, but also some cheerleaders from the local ymca. We can show that sums in excess of $100, 000 dollars were paid from a swiss account owned by Iran. The account holders name is called “The Secret Account of the Islamic Republic of Iran in Switzerland”.
The world: (Pause)
Obama: I’d like to thank the men and women of the united states secret service who worked tirelessly to bring us this accurate and verifiable information. It is because of their splendid work that we will look to unite our friends in pursuing the grave threat posed by Iran. Whil Irans military budget is less than 1/2 of Saudi Arabia’s, it is avery highly dangerous threat and we must not let our guard down. The Iranians have been ramping up their miliary budget and based on current projections they will reach 0.1% of our defense budget in less than 2 years!!!!!!!!!
The world: aaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahahha did he say friend? hehehehehehehehehe we have friends, after that????????? ahahahhahahahahahahahah I think we can count on micronesia to send 2 people “For Operation Iranian Peace and Tranquility” hehehehehehehehehe stop stop I can’t breathe hahahahahahahahahhahahahahahhahhahahahhaha maybe thats what they’re trying to do hehehehhehehhehhe kill us with laughter hahahahahahahahahaha aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa hahahahhahahha