How About NO Sanctions AT ALL?

Recently I was invited by NIAC to send a pre-written letter opposing the new round of sanctions against Iran as a result of the Saudi Ambassador Assassination plot by Iran uncovered by the US.

NIAC’s letter is good (a bit too long if you ask me), to be fair, it covers all the usual areas of concern that NIAC has and it is convenient and harmless if you are a member and don’t actually care what NIAC does but want to claim you do. Just like that iPhone you own, but don’t know how to use either.

But I didn’t give NIAC my right to speak (especially to politicians) just because it really really wants to. I don’t agree with NIAC’s argument that it cannot speak out against the Iranian government because it’s charter says it can only advocate for Iranian-American issues in the US.

Which is confusing, because now when I have a problem with the lawn watering policy of my Home Owner’s Association, do I call NIAC first or Jose?

Meanwhile, I will at least credit Trita Parsi for inventing the now popular term, “Soft Power” in his numerous books about how bad the US-Israeli-Iranian governments are. You have to get through his berating of Israel first though.

Confused? Get in line baby!

For example this latest Anti-Iran-Sanctions robo-letter NIAC wants everyone to send to US politicians.

[Hypothetical Question: Is it technically impossible for NIAC to send the same kind of letter objecting to similarly retarded Iranian laws to Iranian politicians in Iran?]

Here’s my version of the letter NIAC wanted me to send:

Dear [Recipient],

I write to urge you to oppose ANY sanctions on Iran.

I am deeply concerned (but not surprised) that Congress and the Administration are totally wasting their time by assuming that any sanctions would hurt the Iranian leadership and persuade them to act the least bit differently. This didn’t work in Cuba and worked worse with North Korea. Since Iran knows US history better than you do, it of course won’t work with Iran.

It is a huge waste to institute any broad or even surgical sanctions on Iran, that anyone in Iran with half a brain can circumvent. And when it comes to circumvention, Iranians have a brain and a half!

A far better idea now that the US needs all the business it can get, is to open the door to Iran as wide as possible, and let every single US business sell whatever they can to consumer product hungry Iranians, and ramrod Iran into an era of inarguable prosperity and a veritable consumerist orgy.

This will achieve several objectives:

It will open Iran up and dependent on US products and goods, causing Iran to rethink automatic antagonistic policies towards the US. Especially this can be a good wedge to broach the subject of Israel with, as well as provide a carrot-juice smoothy with an energy and immunity boost for the Palestinians to come back to the bargaining table.

For example, just one idea along this vein of creating an “Iranian Dilemma” would be “Best in Class Top Quality Qorans printed in Israel”.

Also by helping Iran usher in an era of unequaled prosperity, you will effectively remove the primary weapon and continual threat that the Iranian government has held over the heads of Iranians since 1979. Prosperity combined with Iranians has always led to change. Think when Iranians were fat last. OK think the Shah-era 1970’s then.

If the Iranian people were actually able to enjoy their day to day lives for once, and have enough to eat and buy in the marketplace, at reasonable prices, they would very, very, very quickly right what they agrree now is obviously wrong with their government.

H.R.1905 (the Iran Threat Reduction Act) threatens only to encourage Iran to seek the same rewards that North Korea and Pakestan got by simply bluffing belligerency to American negotiators who don’t know how to haggle Bazar-style. The toys Iran wants for Christmas? A rudimentary but still quite effective DIY home-brew nuclear program, continued abuse of human rights for fun and prophet, and to enhance the inflated image that Iran actually thinks it has in the region.

This last one is actually the most intolerable and annoying one. Arrogant Iranians only end up ordering Chivas. And then where will the world be?

H.R.1905 is understandable coming up on an election year. Do what you gotta do, but trust me, Iran will implode on prosperity with a single match. Because they always do.

“Keep ’em lean and Iranians get mean, make ’em leaner and they only get meaner.”

Allow civilian aircraft parts for Iran. Iran has one of the worst civilian flight safety records and airplane food in the world, with over 1,000 deaths due to crashes and/or indigestion. This doesn’t win any hearts and minds (or bowels). If Iranians can travel safely and they can credit the US (and BOEING) for it, they will.

Allow Iranian-Americans to send money to loved ones in Iran or even better receive free money they never kne they had from an inheritance or pension in Iran. You will make it up in iPad sales.

[Side note: When Iranian Americans find out about sanctions the hard way, and end up in US prison, they don’t vote and make campaign contributions like they used to.]

Parents in Iran are currently unable to send money to their sons and daughter to study in the US. (Cultural Note: Iranians tolerate only the ugly daughter going off to college, the pretty ones are married off to balding older friends of the family, with mustaches). Iranian students who can’t pay, take away scholarships/grants from Americans with lower GPAs.

The U.S. must not endorse policies that jeopardize U.S. interests and threaten the global economy. This has nothing to do with Iran but it just sounds good to say.

H.R.1905 doubles down on failure. In the face of sanctions EVER achieving anything, how stupid do you have to be? This is of course a rhetorical question.

I ask you to please oppose any sanctions against Iran and figuratively shitcan H.R.1905 right off the bat. I hope I can count on you to stand against these counterproductive proposals and I look forward to your response. Or not. Either way, I’m Iranian and used to total political inaction by now.

Meet Iranian Singles

Iranian Singles

Recipient Of The Serena Shim Award

Serena Shim Award
Meet your Persian Love Today!
Meet your Persian Love Today!