wanted: For theft of a satellite from museum

WANTED for petty theft

Name: Ali (Alexi) Omarov-Kosov-Kirov

Occupation : Current Occupation: Chief scientist, Islamic republic of Iran’s Space  Agency. Former Occupation: Chief Janitor, John Wayne (Formerly Lenin) Museum of space Research, Bush-Abad (formerly Stalin-Abad),Republic of Kazakistan.

Age: 65.

Place of birth: Coca Cola city (formerly Marxgrad), Ukrine

Physical Descriptions:  short, fat with twitching eye. Tattoos of Stalin and Ali Khamenei on left and right butt cheeks respectively. With “I love Fredy Mercury” tattooed above his right nipple, very large stomach.

Crime Details: Ali (alexi) is accused of taking  cosmos52, the copy of Cosmos51, the test satellite which was fired in 1951 from kazakistan’s space research centre (at site of which currently stands Donald Trump’s silk road shopping mall), from John Wayne (formerly Lenin) Museum of space science, Kazakestan, on the back of a Mercedes truck in Aug 2011. he was later seen crossing  into the islamist republic of Iran from North-Azarbaijan republic. On his arrival , he was met with large, very excited crowds of bassijis carrying card board copies of khomeini, ahmadinezhad and khamenei, plus some senior members of islamic republic leadership. He was last seen cutting into a big cream cake, during an official IRI TV report celebrating the launch of “navid” (aka: daan-daan-usa) satellite into inner space. The “daan-daan-USA” satellite bearing a remarkable resemblance to cosmo52.

Note: Islamist republic can keep both alexi and Daan-daan-USA satellite, we only want the Mercedes truck back. It’s a bloody good truck.


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