Here are 15 steps on how to rise from an average pipe smoking joe to a sacred Imam with all the perks. Just follow these steps:
1. Isolate yourself from people, and only deal with them through intermediaries and go-betweens. A holy diety is not a commoner. He is seldom seen, and when he appears to the public, it is an auspicious occasion of note. Look around, you might spot a choir of angels singing your zohoor from khafaa.
2. Have people around you start calling you “agha” instead of “ayatollah” or “Hojjat ol-eslam”. It automatically separates you from the flock.
3. Cry a lot, especially in public. Youll need alot of practice.
6. Whenever the words AHL-E BEYT are mentioned, your picture should pop up on TV, in books, and all forms of media. This step will firmly tie you to Fatima’s progeny (Kudos to the Safavids for coming up with tyhis idea, but hey, they were Shia too). Have the reporters emphasize the “Sayyed” part of your name, and have cameras keep zooming on your black turban.
13. Kick the shit out of anyone who questions your supreme holiness, or questions your authority. You have to come down hard on your opposers.
14. After you die, have people build you a shrine the size of Haram-e Imam Reza. That will perpetuate your presence in the hearts of believers. It’s a win-win thing: The regime will make shitloads of money off of your shrine, and you will become an Imam Zadeh, to be revered and worshipped.
15. Let time do its work. You’ll be a sacred Imam in less than 100 years. Pilgrims will visit your shrine, and children will read of the miracles you performed.
Picture shows a sign in the middle of a mountain hiking trail in Iran. The Arabic scripture on the top is a reference to the associates of Imam Mahdi (meaning that Khamenei is Imam Mahdi’s associate). Under the picture it then says: “This is where the Great Spiritual Leader descended upon on May 5th, 2005 while hiking these mountains”. A holy place already.