The Islamic Republic of Iran is like no other country on Earth. It has no well defined organized structure, defies all principles of economics and management, constantly has lack of esteem issues, craves for war with others, and openly declares its own self-preserving interests above that of its people. Political scholars have for years tried to analyze and dissect this hodge-podge mix of a regime. Is it a theocratic republic? Is it a clerical monarchy? Is it a totalitarian oligarchy? Is it all three? What the fuck is it?
Perhaps this diagram can help shed some light on this mystery that has baffled the modern world for 35 years.
1: Majles. The supposed brains of the Republic. This is where the democratic institution to lead and guide the country should be centered. Unfortunately, for the case of Iran, the brain is far too small and undeveloped, and only controls lower body functions dictated by the hormonal urges of #2, #11, and of course #4.
2: IRGC (Sepah Pasdaran). where the economy of the country is controlled. gets to decide what is ingested (imported), discharged (exported), and digested (budgets, taxes, etc). Often holds the wellbeing of the entire country hostage.
3: Office of the President. The butthole and ideological product of the system (nezam).When this organ of the country opens its anus (mouth), others immediately try to take cover from the obnoxious gas and droppings, but #5 usually ends up getting stuck in it anyway. Hence the constant bickering between #3 and #5.
4: Rahbar. The tokhm of the nezam. Must be protected at all costs by all other organs, otherwise the system will not be able to sustain its existence for long. This organ has the power to override and veto all other organs in terms of hierarchy: If it has the urge, the other organs must comply.
5: The Judiciary, Council of Guardians, Assembly of Experts (Khobregan), and Expediency Council. These are what the country practically runs on.
6: Ministry of Intelligence (including plainclothes vigilantes). The ever watchful eyes of the keepers, custodians, and guardians of the system.
7: Central Bank. One of the most sensitive and vulnerable parts of the country. If it chokes, chances are the rest will too.
8: The cyber army and west residing employees of the regime. These are the supporters of the regime in chat rooms, forums, IC blogs, always complaining about Israel and American imperialism, and secretly relaying sensitive info about the diaspora back to HQ.
9: The mouth of the regime. This PR tool is in charge of spreading false information and making loud noises about Israel or anything else that can distract attention away from the real problems of the country. Does not appreciate the competition from #3. This mouth is usually big, and it smells due to lack of hygiene. It can also be used for biting e.g. in the capacity of hardline newspaper editors (Shariati), pundits (Hasan Abbasi), etc.
10: Leftist intellectuals, IRI supporters, and velayat madaar elements. These are the people that are always seen demonstrating on “Youmullah 22 Bahman” and other state arranged demonstrations against the “doshman” (the enemy). They are often easily perfumed by the gaseous discharges of #3, and often smell due to proximity to #4 and #11, as well. They occupy otherwise no important place in the country, but wiggle and move around alot to attract attention and declare their presence (ommat-e hamisheh dar sahneh).
11:The Basij. The length of this organ is a direct function of the whims and urges of #4.