June 18, 2002
Send us your questions
* Madly in love with an Arab boy
I am a teenage Iranian girl, and I have fallen madly in love with an Arab boy.
The thing is too, that he likes me also. I want to talk to him on the phone, see
him at the mall, just go out! But my parents are the problem, or more so the Muslim
I guess you could say I'm majnoon for him, and he's all I think about. Probably
the only reason I passed my final exams was because of his support. Without him,
I'd be lost. I met him through Islamic School, and used to believe he was a cute
ignorrant jackass. But by getting to know him better, I realized that he is exactly
Well, Islam says "NO DATING!" which is retarded, but I want to be
with him soooo bad!! I've been caught before talking to him on the phone and trying
to sneak out to meet him, but why do I still want to risk everything to at least
see him? He lives about 15 minutes away, and he drives. But my dad is about ready
to kill him, but I can't deal with that.
Whenever I talk to him, I feel happy. But then my mom played private investigator,
and said that he's too Americanized and is player. Then I started thinking, "Maybe
he doesn't like me" and I was shocked to find out he did because I believe I'm
just ugh, and then I think, "Does he dream about me" or "Does he think
about me" or even "Does he talk to other girls and is he playing me?".
I'm so confused, but I still want to risk everything to be with him. I changed
all my plans in life, just to be with him. What should I do??
Majnoon for the Arab Boy
Abjee Fotti and Abjee Pari write:
Teenage love can be as intense as it can be fickle. What can intensify a mere crush
on someone initially thought of as a "jackass" or "player" can
turn into an illusion of passion when obstacles are put in the way. In other words,
you are probably more in love with rebellion and the idea of a romantic forbidden
love than you are with the actual person, whom you merely describe as "cute"
and "who can drive".
You are very young and your parents are overly strict and narrow-minded, which
only makes your feelings more intense. There is nothing wrong with your desire to
date, talk on the phone, and get to know this boy better. It is too bad that your
parents have set such unfair rules. For all you parents out there who think by shielding
their daughters from boys they are helping them, you are sadly wrong.
One day they will run away from the bars of the prison you have created and go
completely out of control whereas if you set fair and reasonable rules with a balanced
freedom, limits, and communication, your daughters would become more enriched by
it, instead of jumping into relationships and/or marriage with complete and utter
Dear Majnoon, while we empathize with you, we don't know how you can see this boy
when your parents have set such strict rules. We do not advocate for you to "risk
everything" and "change all your life plans", for example sneak around,
lie, and be secretive, or worse run away or elope with this boy. To take such a drastic
step for what is essentially a puppy love could have more dire consequences for you
than you can imagine, especially with the threats that your strict Muslim father
The best you can do is wait until you are old enough to move away (for college for
example). You will join the ranks of the millions of girls who, just like you, have
grown up under a patriarchal condescending family atmosphere that do not trust their
female offspring to think for themselves and force them to adopt beliefs that suffocate
them. This is true not only of the Muslim religion but the majority of organized
religions who are always viewing women as dangerous sexual objects that should be
kept hidden, shut off, and kept in line.
Once you acquire independence, you will hopefully find happiness and live your life
on your own terms, and pass on those values to your own children. Our advice would
be, study and get good grades so you can get a scholarship to a good college far
far away. Your education will be the most precious and solid foundation for your
Take care and come back for a shirnee and chayee with your abjeez real soon
Abjee Pari and Abjee Fotti