LettersApril 26 , 2007 Any relationship is a two way streetOn Tina Ehrami's "It never would have worked out between us": Dearest Tina, I must admit that after reading your confused and irrational opinion peace on Iranian.com, for the third time I did not really understand who was your quarrel with or whom was your anger directed at. If by an ex-lover you are referring to the IRI and the mullahs establishment then my dear, I am afraid you have only got yourself to blame for going to bed with such dubious monster (however good he might have been in bed). In that case I can only say you got what you deserve and you deserve what you got On the other hand if you are referring to your country and nationality as a disposable ex- partner from whom you could so easily disassociate then I am afraid my dear girl you have some serious problems with your values, your personality, identity and loyalty. You see darling, the problem with you and people with this type of mentality is that they regard the criminal and the victim as one. This is a view too simplistic and so immature for a person who dares to call him/her self an intellectual. First of all it might be true in your case that you see your country as an ex partner, a disposable entity that is only there to dance into your tune and satisfy your personal needs, a toy to be amused with and when you finally got bored of it or found a new one, you simply dump it and move into your next adventure, and so and so forth. You seem to think that it is your country that has to do everything for you and conveniently forget your own responsibilities and obligations towards your country and people. Well my dear let me open your eyes to a few very simple and straightforward facts, if I may. In any relationship (as you would like to call it), this is a two way street. You only get a much as you give and simply in the case of us Iranians there seem to be very few of us inside or out of the country, who have ever given up much for our motherland ad those are only a hand full of people who could be summed up in such groups as our political activists, writers, some academics and of course those who paid with their lives to defend this country in an unprovoked 10 years long war. For the rest of us all we have done was talk and moan and not much else and as you have heard talk is cheap. We are hardly willing to lift a finger for the greater good of our country, or spend a few bucks in a very simple thing such as promoting the talented people in our country (Such as Cyrus Karr). Everyone expects their government to spend a lot of time and money in progressing and promoting the country, as long as it is not from their pocket, other wise we don't want to know. Just like our government we expect others to do as we say and not as we do. We are all too quick to praise other people and cultures, even when it comes to their dubious and undignified behaviours. But when it comes to our own country and motherland we cannot weight to blow everything out of proportion forget about our own responsibility, or demand things that we did not really work toward I use the world motherland to emphasize the fact that unlike you, there are actually Iranians in this world who regard Iran as their mother, their identity and as the core of their being. These are the people who think beyond their own personal interest and do not abandon their identity just because some one else has thrown a bigger bone at them. I know some people go through their entire life without feeling such love and sense of belonging to a country culture and identity and I can only feel sorry for them. But for the rest of us we love our country unconditionally and whole-heartedly, what ever the circumstances and we stick with it for the better or worse Asheghan Noghte-ye pargare vojoodand vali Eshgh daanad ke dar in dayereh sar gardanand I have always believed that it is only in the time of hardship and difficulties that one would know who are one's true friends and who is just a Magase Dore Shirini. Now a days it is very easy for an American or European to be patriotic and be proud of their country as their country seems to be successful and even people from outside admire the country's (mostly economical) achievements. But the real patriots are those who do not abandon their country at the time of hardship and keep trying and working hard for their country even when the chance of success is very small and they know that they might never live to harvest the fruits of their own labour or see any radical improvement in their own lifetime. If you look at the history of almost all of those successful countries in the world, you would see this very same trend. These are visionary pioneers who worked for the good of future generations knowing very well that they would never live to see the results of their efforts. Some of them went unrecognised and anonymous through their life and even long after their death, but that did not stop them trying. What we see in the western hemisphere and developed world today is the fruit of at least ten generations of such labour and hard work. Some of these achievements such as women right movement are even more recent and confined to the second half of 20 th century. Even today for those countries that still remain on the path to progress this trend has not stopped and we see waves of people form all walks of life contributing and working toward this goal. On the other hand if you are waiting for someone else to come along and do you job by straightening your country and rebuilding it for you, then my dear I am afraid you are in for a long dispirit wait If anybody, it is only us who could and should rebuild this country and straighten our own actions. How many of us can claim that we are putting the same effort as other countries in the developed wourld toward building the future of our country or how many our previous generations in the past millennium could really be claimed to have gone through this path. Have you ever heard of the famous saying by Winston Churchill? Ask not what your country has done for you but what you have done for your country. The bottom line is that, noting in this life is for free. If we want democracy, respect for human right and equality for women in our country then we need to get off our backside and do something meaningful about is and by that I do not mean drinking wine in a luxury hotel bar, moaning and gossiping about the issue, but cleaning our own individual behaviours would be a good start Granted I do accept that generations before us did not pool their weight and did not fight to promote social justice in Iran as much they should have. However at this moment in our history we are where we are. It is now up to us to decide whether we go through the same path as our previous generations by sitting on the side lines just moaning about the issues of our time and refusing to do anything about it, or are we willing to finally start pooling our own weight and face up to our responsibilities Will we at last start doing the right thing by promoting social justice and awareness in our country through our own actions or just pass the bucket to the government or our next generation, so that in another 100 years time we would have another bewildered generation of Iranian men and women scattered around the glob experiencing an identity crisis, moaning and groaning or condemning their past generations (you and I) for failing them. So may be we have to finally bring ourselves into accepting the fact that however hard we try, this would a lengthy process of evolution from which we might never benefit directly. This was how the other countries that enjoy a relevant democracy and prosperity have done it. So I am afraid there is no quick fixes, no short cuts and definitely no one else is going to do our job for us. Now if you find this reality as boring or irritating as a broken record well I guess that's too bad. I am afraid; in the end of the truth is the truth is the truth and it does not go away just because you do not like to face up to it. Now you can turn it you can twist it, you can deny it, you can ignore it but changing it you can't. Iran is the people who shape its nation and if there are short comes, then they are ours and unless we rise to correct these problems they would not go away. If you want to know the reason behind the lack of progress in the country and disloyalty of many Iranians to their country then my suggestion to you is to have a long hard look at the mirror. May be you should ask yourself what have I ever done to improve the situation in my country or how many of my obligations toward my people and country I have fulfilled. You see darling, despite what you might think you are not above the rest of us. We are all in this together and we have all have roles to play and obligations to fulfil, however small and insignificant it might seem. Otherwise if you prefer to abandon your people, country and identity for the life of an asylum seeker in a foreign land in the hope that one day you might be accepted as one of the locals, then I am afraid darling, you are not really relevant.
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