January 2, 2002
Send us your questions
* To dump or not to dump?
I have an Iranian girl friend. Recently, I realized that she regularly
checks my phone bills, credit card accounts and even business letters.
Last night she asked me talk to my friends on the phone speaker so she can
hear our conversation!!!! Somebody correct me if I sound confused or oversensitive,
but isn't this the stage where you dump your partner?
Abjee Fotti writes:
I think you have answered your own question. The only question I have
for you is why you would hesitate a second before terminating this relationship?
From what you describe, this young lady has severe emotional issues that
should be dealt with by a professional. Even this option will not guarantee
that she will heal. Obsessive behavior usually reveals itself as a result
of insecurity stemming from previous relationships.
Abjee Pari writes:
Unfortunately, obsessive jealousy in a relationship does not represent
love - despite what she may tell you to justify her behavior. Control, public
humiliation, and distrust are not signs of love. Please do not stay with
her out of a feeling of guilt or compassion. You will not be helping her.
No matter what you do to demonstrate your loyalty and love, it will never
be enough, because this is a psychological disorder that has roots in her
own mind. And the longer you submit yourself to her emotional roller-coaster,
the more you will be negatively affected in future relationships, whether
romantic or platonic. The effect can be contagious; be aware of unconsciously
turning into the very thing you deplore currently in your girlfriend.
Abjee Fotti and Abjee Pari add:
We know this is not an easy decision but it is a necessary one, for your
own health and sanity. Rather than "dumping" her, try to communicate
with her and direct her towards professional help so that she may also improve
her lifestyle. Ultimately the choice is hers to make and you need to move
on. We wish both of you the best of luck.
Abjee Pari and Abjee Fotti