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August 7 Hajiagha August 3 Mahmnoud July 28 Radmehrian July 27 Aref-Adib July 23 Mahmoud July 18 Moallemian July 15 Hajiagha June 29 Hajiagha June 25 Mahmoud June 20 Bahmani June 13 Mahmoud June 8 Saman June 4 Wolak May 29 Iran-U.S. talks May 23 Mahmoud May 19 Pirashkee May 16 Iraj May 14 Mahmoud May 6 B Orz May 5 Iraj May 2 Wolak April 26 Amirali April 21 Kasraie April 18 Baghali April 11 Kowsar April 9 Saman April 6 Saman April 4 Saman April 3 Parkhash April 2 MM April 1 Amirali March 31 Amirali March 25 Mahmoud March 25 Shirazi March 19 Ghasemi March 18 Mahmoud March 16 Aliwood March 7 2500bc March 5 Mahmoud March 1 Saman February 22 Saman February 20 Saman February 15 Kowsar February 12 Ali February 10 Hajiagha February 6Mazloom February 3Mazloom February 2Mahmoud January 312500BC January 29Mazloom
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TOONS Cartoons TOONS Cartoons NOTE Sorry to say goodbye like this. I had to rush for the train I threw myself under. In two to three days you’ll receive another packet with the DVD I made -- CCTV footage of my first suicide attempt, which failed (the 5.30 to Brighton was late). It also contains my final speech to the family. It is my wish for it to be played after the funeral. My last request is that Michael be barred from shovelling any earth on to my coffin. I know he would take a secret pleasure in this, nice though he is. If I hear those thuds I will never rest in peace. I’ve put cash for Tim’s trumpet lessons in the microwave. It’s important that these continue. He has a future as a trumpet player. Perhaps, when he is sixteen, he can learn the harmonica. I wanted to learn an instrument, but I’m dead now >>> The film does portray the Persians as barbarians but the Spartans are hardly portrayed as civilised Death to Sparta, Death to Sparta, Death to Sparta... It is time we mighty Persians unite and avenge our honour and pride. We shall smite the Spartans, they shall feel our wrath. I am ready to fight and will make each and every last Spartan feel the sharp edge of my sword. Actually that is a tad extreme, perhaps I will make them feel the sharp edge of my tongue instead as I do not own a sword and have an aversion to physical activity. We should protest outside the Spartan embassy and burn effigies of King Leonidas. Death to Sparta, Death to Sparta, Death to Sparta... >>> SATIRE Cartoons WOMEN Watching Iranian women, in the last few days, taking on the government of Iran, being assaulted, injured, tortured and imprisoned made me realize that my soccer buddies and me were right all along. As we Iranian men become more and more of a pussy, somehow in the last thirty years, Iranian women have grown balls. And the pussification process completed on the day that we -- men -- stayed on the sidelines and watched our women insulted, beaten and shoved in a bus, and we didn't dare to say a word. There is only one thing left to say: we Iranian men have been pussified >>> TOONS Cartoons POINT If you want to change public opinion in the U.S., this is not the way Let me ask you a question: Why is it that you seldom see an Iranian political scientist being invited by FOX or CNN news or the likes to discuss their viewpoints about Iran despite of all that is going on between the West and Iran and the fact that we have such a large population of Iranians in the US? Well, before I collect your answers let me jump to a little scenario before I forget: When she lived in Iran the Revolution was two decades old, and by the time she got out of Iran she was about seventeen. Daddy somehow managed to get her out of Iran thanks to the fact that his green card was still valid and he decided to leave Iran for good. A couple of years later in the US she decides to write books, essays and articles against the Iranian regime staging herself in the center of it all as a political refugee, an expert on Iranian affairs, a poet, a victim of Islamic atrocities, a scholar at large, and 'nokhodeh har aash' a jack of all trades! "Ya aba abdollah khodet beh dadeh ma beres" >>> HUMOR Iranian Men: User Manual Throughout years of writing for iranian.com and other publications, I have received enormous amount of emails from women married to Iranian men with a wide range of questions about their husbands. And just about all emails follow the same theme: why does my Iranian man do the things he does? For some reason American wives of Iranian men, who read my book or articles, have got it in their heads that I somehow have access to the only copy of "Iranian Men: User Manual!" The questions are often entertaining and sometimes plain weird. The most compelling questions come from women who date Iranian men >>> HUMOR Cartoons COMEDIAN With the politest objection to Pedram Moallemian's recent review with Maz Jobrani, "The Iranian knight" Through his brilliant and dedicated efforts behind the "Axis of Evil" comedy tours, and the latest incarnation "The Sultans of Satire", Maz Jobrani has been the brightly shining and hilarious beacon for, to use marketing terminology, "educating and informing the target audience of the benefits, features, and value of our brand." That's the "It" he brings. As I am a fan of Maz, you can start to see the dilemma forming. Wednesdays, around 9pm, on ABC, the new show, "The Knights of Prosperity" has cast yet another shadow through what I am calling the retarded mis-placement of the stereotypical "quirky Indian fellow", using of all people Maz! So allow me to let you get this straight >>> SATIRE Google proves the importance of working Google was recently named the top company to work for in the US. Most of the news Google released in order to emphasize this by releasing this news, has emphasized this. Google makes one thing that it charges money for, namely that tiny Google text ad that you are ignoring while you are reading this fake news story. As a result and apparently, most of the employees at Google don't actually do anything, hopefully and including getting the attempt at satire here. While the actual contribution of Google employees towards keeping Google the juggernaut it has become, or exactly what makes the company so successful, is largely unknown, it hasn't stopped the company from continually hiring more and more people, who in turn do not know what Google does. Thereby ensuring it's continued success >>> COMEDIAN Our very own Maz Jobrani stars in a new national network sitcom Last July 23rd, a friend asked us to join him at a party in a trendy West Hollywood restaurant. Since we had already committed to another event, I apologized. But then he said that it was a Good-Bye Party for Maz Jobrani. Good-Bye Party? Oh No! Where is he going? In our own small universe, we had just “discovered” the man and even exchanged pleasantries about our common hairstylist at a couple of events. Now he’s leaving? Fast forward to last Wednesday and we are invited by Namak magazine to a semi-private party organized by Maz’ agent Ray Moheet to watch the premier of the new sitcom, now called The Knights of Prosperity with two of the show’s stars Kevin Michael Richardson and Maz Jobrani in attendance >>> IRANIANS OF THE YEAR :o) In 2006, the world media saturated the airwaves with images of ugly Iranians, which included the president, the supreme leader, members of Majlis, heads of the revolutionary guards, malnutritioned Iranian opposition groups and everybody else who had moles growing on their foreheads. This prompted expats to shower the internet with their own "beautiful Iranian people" images. It's a cry for help. My idea for this year's Iranian of the year goes something like this: fuck all the beautiful people. That's right folks, fuck Tehran's snowy mountains, jungles of Mazandaran, high-rise towers, shopping malls, Esfahan's historic monuments, beautiful conceded Iranian broadcasters, actors, directors, athletes, models and billionaires. Fuck them all >>> TEHRAN No longer will Iranian women need to sit in cramped taxis adjacent to unshaven muscular sweaty perverts Congratulations to Iranian women for achieving another milestone, the official woman-only taxis, driven by woman drivers in Tehran. Yes for those ignorant westerners women in Iran do drive vehicles. They passed that milestone decades ago, and for years for extra income they have been acting as taxi drivers by picking up passengers on their way to their regular jobs as doctors, bankers, teachers, etc. What’s new now is that it’s official, and it’s for the services of pious rich female passengers like Rafsanjani’s daughters and brides, when for some reason they cannot use their Mercedes Benz. Isn’t that great. In a few other provinces they were doing it already, but Tehran in that respect was a backward metropolis >>> SATIRE Two suicide bombers walked into a bar with a crocodile and a sting ray where John Kerry was giving his classic "if you don't stay in school, you'll end up in Iraq" lecture to a crowd of underage rednecks inhaling paint spray. Around the corner, Mel Gibson was finishing his 2nd bottle of scotch and preparing for his presentation at Ahmmadinejad's "The Myth that is Holocaust" conference; while Britney Spears got the bar and exposed her pussy to a repulsed Lindsey Lohan who started screaming "I'm a whore, but I'm not gay". At that very moment Senator Foley logs in under the screen name bickcock69 and invites lilpenis to his private yahoo chat room named "12-14 year-old boys who like grown men" >>> COMIC Video clips and photo essay: Peyvand Khorsandi stand up comedy in Sacramento COLLEGE Amongst my many campus jobs, I work in lab. My job description entails a lot of media making, autoclaving, and some downtime in between. One day last summer, I was waiting in the hallway outside the autoclave room, where I saw a blackboard and naturally proceeded to erase its content and do some figure sketching. I had no idea my drawing would become the center of an unsolved mystery case ... Last week, I was walking with a co-worker past the chalk board where my life-size drawing of two curvaceous women still stands, when I casually commented on how I thought it was peculiar that no one has erased the board yet. This put my colleague in a momentary state of shock then she bursted out in laughter. Once we had walked far enough from the crime scene, and she got the laughs out of her system, she told me the story >>> COMIC Photo essay: 48 hours with Peyvand Khorsandi ADVICE I eagerly watched the sex video which has caused quite a bit of havoc in Iranian sex-deprived society, especially among the younger generation. The home movie, supposedly showing TV soap actress Zahra Amir Ebrahimi and her lover, has created such turmoil that the notorious Judge Mortazavi has personally volunteered to investigate. As an avid porn watcher who spends almost all his paycheck subscribing to porn websites and magazines, I was extremely disappointed with the quality of acting in the home movie, featuring Amir Ebrahimi and her male companion. The unprofessional setup and amateurish techniques made this home movie almost unbearable to watch >>> APPLY TODAY UC Abu Ghraib in Los Angeles like its sister facility in Iraq is home to Middle Easterners of different shades some of whom resemble Mostafa Tabatabainejad, but there are of course notable differences in management policies at the two facilities. Eventhough at UC Abu Ghraib the men and women in uniform still prefer applying high voltage electric shock as the principle tool of their security work, the torture dungeons have been done away with altogether. This new openness has advanced the cause of Democracy to no end and will no doubt be emulated in future Democracy projects. Another notable difference is that at UC Abu Ghraib the work of the highly professional security personnel is carried out in plain sight of anyone who can watch a torture and humiliation session without getting dizzy >>>
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