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Women-only taxis
No longer will Iranian women need to sit in cramped taxis adjacent to unshaven muscular sweaty perverts



December 19, 2006

Congratulations to Iranian women for achieving another milestone, the official woman-only taxis, driven by woman drivers in Tehran. Yes for those ignorant westerners women in Iran do drive vehicles. They passed that milestone decades ago, and for years for extra income they have been acting as taxi drivers by picking up passengers on their way to their regular jobs as doctors, bankers, teachers, etc. What’s new now is that it’s official, and it’s for the services of pious rich female passengers like Rafsanjani’s daughters and brides, when for some reason they cannot use their Mercedes Benz.

Isn’t that great. In a few other provinces they were doing it already, but Tehran in that respect was a backward metropolis.

One of the great things about the woman-only taxi system is that the drivers have to be married. That’s a good thing in case if a man by mistake or purpose wants to get in their cab and either try to hit on them, or ride in a brand new taxi, which is a rarity in Tehran. In case of deviant behavior unmarried women might lose control of the wheels in a situation like that, but married Iranian female drivers are better suited -- or shall I say they are more experienced -- in handling perverts.

When I say a man might get in a female-only taxi I am not exaggerating. A man can easily wrap himself in a chador (tent like veil), expose only one his eyes, feminize his voice a little and get away with it. Men were carrying guns under their chadors during the revolution and SAVAK (security apparatus of Shah’s regime) didn’t know anything about it. That’s how concealing chador is.

Of course the greatest thing about this new service is that women, or the ones who can afford it, no longer need to sit in cramped taxis adjacent to unshaven muscular sweaty perverts who rub their thighs, knees, legs, against their chadors, not to mention their upper torso, their greasy hair, under pit odor, and their bad breath. Oooweee, it makes my blood boil just to think about it!   

But, all passengers being female requirement raises some problems of course. As you might have noticed some women have children, and women with children are more prone to need taxis than others, otherwise they would take the bus or the metro where they have a separate section for themselves already. Some of those children that those rich women have are unfortunately of the male species, which creates another problem, what to do with them? Fortunately for the taxi company there are some solutions to this problem. Here are some of them:

A religious solution: If the boys have reached the age of namahram (religiously forbidden to marry, i.e. two-years old) they should not be allowed to ride in the taxi. Even though adherence to the strictest hejab (veil) is one of the most essential requirements for the female taxi drivers, you never know the namahram boy might touch and feel part or parts of the driver by accident or propose, as curious boys normally do. The namahram boy can take the bus or the metro, who cares as long as he is not riding in a woman-only taxi.

A legal solution: The legal age for boys is generally thought of as being fifteen, that’s when they can get married anyway, or it could be established as the maximum legal age for riding the taxi with the mommies. The female passengers with boys should be required to produce identification to clearly show the age of the boys. None of these excuses such as shoharam shenasnasho bordeh ba khodesh (my husband has taken his identification with him) should be accepted. This is serious business. This is not like entering boys into the elementary school a year earlier than allowed by faking identifications. We are talking about entering boys (ahem men) into female-only taxis. All suspicious boys identifications should be checked thoroughly and on demand.

Check for signs of puberty solution: The assumption here is that the boys prior to puberty will behave themselves. In this scenario the boys that have started puberty ought to be identified and disallowed to ride in the cab, which might be hard to do. Some boys spring in some parts but not others. A good example is me, or was me when I sprung. When I was potent under my belly I had no signs of it anywhere else for a while, so I ended up seeing a lot of undies and teaties (oh boy, oh boy), before the proper woman of my surroundings figured out they should cover up themselves more appropriately.

In this case the female drivers should be required to take an additional class on top of what they are required to take, which are classes in driving techniques in the nightmarish traffic of Tehran, use of wireless communication system, use of Global Positioning System, and customer service. Why not make them take another class in how to recognize signs of puberty in boys? I think the class should be called shenokht’e bologh’e peseran (Understanding Boys Puberty) or something like that. But in no case should the mothers ask their boys to pull down their pants for inspection of their private parts. That’s asking too much. No boy should be asked to pull down his pants for a taxi ride, not even in Tehran. For candies yes, but not for taxis. No, no, no.

Oh, I almost forgot, Iranian women are experts in chonehzadan (the art of negotiation). In no way bachonehzan any female passenger should be allowed to get away with any of these rules.

Once again, congratulations. Comment

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