Dear Mack
Iranian Men: User Manual

January 25, 2007
iranian.com

Throughout years of writing for iranian.com and other publications, I have received enormous amount of emails from women married to Iranian men with a wide range of questions about their husbands. And just about all emails follow the same theme: why does my Iranian man do the things he does?

For some reason American wives of Iranian men, who read my book or articles, have got it in their heads that I somehow have access to the only copy of "Iranian Men: User Manual!"

The questions are often entertaining and sometimes plain weird. The most compelling questions come from women who date Iranian men. Some of these women are so stressed and confused about their Iranian men and the way they behave that I feel like they're about to have a nervous breakdown.

My lack of education and being ignorant obviously doesn't help, but I do try to answer their questions to the best of my ability.

Here is a selection:

From: xxxxx
To: mack_baniameri
Subject: A question

I caught my Iranian husband masturbating in the shower. I felt so cheated and angry. I wanted to kill him. Can you tell me if this is a cultural thing with you guys?

From: mack_baniameri
To: xxxxx
Subject: RE: A question

Dear xxxx,

For Iranian men, masturbating in the shower is as natural as breathing. I do it at least five times a day myself. I knew an Iranian guy who never left the shower. There is nothing to worry about. Chances are good that your husband was thinking about you ... and your sister and the wife of the next door neighbor all in a wild orgy. You should be flattered that he included you in his shower fantasy. I can tell you that Arab men would have left you out.

Relax and let him enjoy his showers because his whole day is most likely shut to hell.

Take good care,

Siamack

*** *** *** ***

From: xxxxx
To: mack_baniameri
Subject: What should I do?

Dear Siamack,

I'm an American and my Iranian boyfriend just came back from Iran and he's been acting strange lately. He says that under pressure from his family he married his cousin while he was there. He says that he loves me but he's afraid to tell her parents about us because his father has a weak heart. He claims that he will divorce his cousin as soon as she gets her Green Card and he will marry me. Should I trust him?

From: mack_baniameri
To: xxxxx
Subject: RE: what should I do?

Dear xxxx,

Absolutely! He is telling you the truth. There are two things we Iranian men all have in common:

1. We all have to marry our cousins while visiting the old country; otherwise our father will die of a heart attack.
2. We all divorce our Iranian wife after she gets her Green Card.

Nothing to worry about. He is going to make you a very happy woman.

As for the cousin, she might stay with you and your boyfriend for a few years but I assure you that all of you will become very good friends.

Give your man a blowjob tonight as a reward for sacrifices he's making for his family, his country and especially you.

Regards,

Siamack

To Be Continued ...
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About
Siamack Baniameri is the author of The Iranican Dream, (Virtualbookworm.com Publishing, December 2004). Also see Iranican-Dream.com.