Advice March 28, 2002 The Iranian Send us your questions and comments * If I'm so perfect, then why? My boyfriend just ended our relationship. I wasn't with him for very long, about four months, however, he was the first guy that I really, truly cared about (I'm 18). Ever since the beginning of our relationship, he would always tell me that I was too good for him and that he could never give me the love and affection I needed since he'd be in love before and gotten hurt (He's 23). He always told me that I should go and find a guy that could give me true love, but then we got into an argument and he said that was it, and that he couldn't be with me because he couldn't be in a relationship/ have a girlfriend anymore. After the arugment he called me and told me that he was sorry it had ended this way, but that it was better that it had rather than end in the future. He told me that I was the perfect girl, and that if he was "clean" inside that he would want to be with me. My question is if I'm so perfect then why did he dump me? And should I believe him? Or was he just saying that to get out of the relationship? Sad and Wondering Reply Abjee Fotti and Abjee Pari write: There are good news and there are bad news. Let's start with the bad. In the abjeez' experience, if your boyfriend tells you "you are TOO perfect for him" or "TOO good for him" or "TOO anything for him" (as well as many variations), red flags should go up! Now, we know you are very young and this was your first romance, so don't feel bad that you are confused. We do not know why but a lot of men have a hard time being direct when they want to end a relationship (not to say that women aren't also guilty of that sometimes!). So they try to let you down gently, the old "It's not you, it's me" routine. Of course, if he found you so perfect and desirable, the reality is he would never have let you go! On the other hand, maybe you can appreciate that in his own way, he was looking for the least hurtful way of ending the relationship, in what he thought would be least likely to hurt your feelings. So maybe you can find comfort in that. Of course a break-up is going to be hurtful, no matter how diplomatic the "dumper" is. We share in your sadness, especially since this was your first relationship. But believe us when we say that love is the only way to heal love. In other words, you may think this is the end of the world now, and that you will never care about someone again but those negative feelings will quickly dissipate the minute you look into somebody's eyes and that familiar twinge (in your heart, in your stomach, in your knees or wherever else!) comes back. And at least, you will be that much wiser from your previous experience. From now on, if a guy starts saying you are "TOO" anything for him, just look at him calmly in the eyes, smile, and utter brightly: "You know what? You are right! I can do much better." And that is the truth, as the abjeez see it. :o) Abjee Pari and Abjee Fotti Comment for The Iranian letters section Comment for Abjeez Fotti and Pari ALSO Abjeez Previous replies RELATED Kobra Khanom SECTIONS * Recent * Cover * Writers * Arts & lit * Opinion * Satire * History * Interviews * Travel * Women * Rights * Surveys * All sections

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