Advice September 13, 2002 The Iranian Send us your questions and comments * Really "nice" boy I am 16 year old girl and my mum is English and my dad is Persian. I have a big problem. You see every Friday night for the past 3 years my parents have gone out with another Iranian couple who live near us. They have a son who is 21 years old and he has been the person who comes to take care of me while they go out! He is a very nice boy and we get a long really well, A bit too well if you know what I mean. My parents and his parents think we play computers game and cards. But it all started a year ago when he asked me if I had ever kissed a boy which I hadn't done. He kissed me and I had such strong feelings for him. I fell in love with him so quick. He started to touch me and I really liked what he did to me, I couldn't stop it. Now every Friday when he comes to my house we can't wait for our parents to leave so we can have sex with each other. He is very expereinced, I can't stop what we are doing cause I like it too much. I know it is very wrong and if our parents found out I would be killed I am sure. I have now started to skip school and he skips uni so we can have the day together, Both our parents work, Its just getting worse. I think I am addicted to him. I have told myself I must stop what I am doing. BUT I CAN'T...I can't talk to anyone because I wouldn't know what they would say to me. He has told me he loves me and would marry me if we were older. Answer me soon please. Thank you for taking time to answer my email. From a very worried girl Reply Abjee Fotti and Abjee Pari write: Ayeayeayeayeaye!!!!!! This is way too much to be taking on at the age of 16!!! Why, the abjeez wonder, do children like to grow up so fast??? The situation you describe gives us concern for several reasons. First of all the age gap between you and your boyfriend. We know it is all a matter of cultural differences, and this may be more common in Europe than in North America. Still, a girl of 15 and a man of 20 in our opinion should not be engaging in any physical relationship especially given that the young man in question had been given a position of authority over you. This gives us the creeps!!! You are too young to understand that the few years this man has on you gives him a big power of manipulation and influence over you. Why isn't he out there dating girls of his own age? Perhaps he likes too much the control he has over you. You may say that you enjoy the sexual relationship you are in now, that you are addicted to him or whatever, but we really wonder if you will look back on this the same way in a few years, when you have had more experience and matured more. Of course, it is the abjeez'experience that teenagers in lust are not going to follow the most logical advice which is to STOP having sex with this man and get yourself into some counselling. It seems from your letter also that you are afraid of going to your parents for fear they may "kill" you. Although this is how all teens feel and usually a bit of exxageration, if you truly feel, for religious or cultural purposes, that your parents may have a physically violent reaction to your confiding in them, then this is obviously not the route to take. We however encourage you to speak to someone else, like a counsellor at school, about what has been happening. Ensure that they will keep your anonymity. You should definitely not be skipping school although this may be the least ofyour problems if, as we suspect, you have not been using protection when having sex. Please get yourself to a clinic and have yourself checked by a doctor to ensure you have not contracted any diseases or are not pregnant. If your boyfriend has been telling you he is "safe", do NOT take his word for it. He is not a trustworthy person to begin with since he violated the confidence given to him by his and your parents. (By the way, note to parents everywhere: to entrust two hormone-crazy young people in an empty house for the night while you are out cavorting with your friends trying to relive your youth is about the dumbest thing we have heard of!!!) So, dear "snazzy naz", if you are not about to break off with this man, please at least ensure your health and safety and do get some counselling. If you don't do anything, the skipping of schools etc is not going to go unnoticed by your school or your parents, and you will then have everything blow up in your face at once. Good luck and please...try to sllllooooowwwwww down. Regards, Abjee Pari and Abjee Fotti Comment for The Iranian letters section Comment for Abjeez Fotti and Pari ALSO Abjeez Previous replies RELATED Kobra Khanom SECTIONS * Recent * Cover * Writers * Arts & lit * Opinion * Satire * History * Interviews * Travel * Women * Rights * Surveys * All sections

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