September 13, 2002
Send us your questions
* Really "nice" boy
I am 16 year old girl and my mum is English and my dad is Persian. I have a
big problem. You see every Friday night for the past 3 years my parents have gone
out with another Iranian couple who live near us. They have a son who is 21 years
old and he has been the person who comes to take care of me while they go out! He
is a very nice boy and we get a long really well, A bit too well if you know what
My parents and his parents think we play computers game and cards. But it all
started a year ago when he asked me if I had ever kissed a boy which I hadn't done.
He kissed me and I had such strong feelings for him. I fell in love with him so quick.
He started to touch me and I really liked what he did to me, I couldn't stop it.
Now every Friday when he comes to my house we can't wait for our parents to
leave so we can have sex with each other. He is very expereinced, I can't stop what
we are doing cause I like it too much. I know it is very wrong and if our parents
found out I would be killed I am sure.
I have now started to skip school and he skips uni so we can have the day together,
Both our parents work, Its just getting worse. I think I am addicted to him. I have
told myself I must stop what I am doing. BUT I CAN'T...I can't talk to anyone because
I wouldn't know what they would say to me. He has told me he loves me and would marry
me if we were older. Answer me soon please.
Thank you for taking time to answer my email.
From a very worried girl
Abjee Fotti and Abjee Pari write:
This is way too much to be taking on at the age of 16!!! Why, the abjeez wonder,
do children like to grow up so fast???
The situation you describe gives us concern for several reasons. First of all the
age gap between you and your boyfriend. We know it is all a matter of cultural differences,
and this may be more common in Europe than in North America. Still, a girl of 15
and a man of 20 in our opinion should not be engaging in any physical relationship
especially given that the young man in question had been given a position of authority
This gives us the creeps!!!
You are too young to understand that the few years this man has on you gives him
a big power of manipulation and influence over you. Why isn't he out there dating
girls of his own age? Perhaps he likes too much the control he has over you. You
may say that you enjoy the sexual relationship you are in now, that you are addicted
to him or whatever, but we really wonder if you will look back on this the same way
in a few years, when you have had more experience and matured more.
Of course, it is the abjeez'experience that teenagers in lust are not going to follow
the most logical advice which is to STOP having sex with this man and get yourself
into some counselling.
It seems from your letter also that you are afraid of going to your parents for fear
they may "kill" you. Although this is how all teens feel and usually a
bit of exxageration, if you truly feel, for religious or cultural purposes, that
your parents may have a physically violent reaction to your confiding in them, then
this is obviously not the route to take.
We however encourage you to speak to someone else, like a counsellor at school, about
what has been happening. Ensure that they will keep your anonymity. You should
definitely not be skipping school although this may be the least ofyour problems
if, as we suspect, you have not been using protection when having sex. Please get
yourself to a clinic and have yourself checked by a doctor to ensure you have not
contracted any diseases or are not pregnant.
If your boyfriend has been telling you he is "safe", do NOT take his
word for it. He is not a trustworthy person to begin with since he violated the confidence
given to him by his and your parents. (By the way, note to parents everywhere: to
entrust two hormone-crazy young people in an empty house for the night while you
are out cavorting with your friends trying to relive your youth is about the dumbest
thing we have heard of!!!)
So, dear "snazzy naz", if you are not about to break off with this man,
please at least ensure your health and safety and do get some counselling. If you
don't do anything, the skipping of schools etc is not going to go unnoticed by your
school or your parents, and you will then have everything blow up in your face at
Good luck and please...try to sllllooooowwwwww down.
Abjee Pari and Abjee Fotti