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February 3, 2003
The Iranian
Send us your questions
and comments
* White South African man, Iranian woman?
Salam,
I am a South African male of 53 and live in Pretoria. I met an Iranian lady
about two years ago from Tehran. She has recently moved to Canada. We write on regular
basis to each other. I want to know if it is wrong for an Iranian lady to have relationship
with a White South African? Will other Iranians accept me as her husband? Because
she is polarized towards me and she loves me, I feel it is a question I can not put
to her.
E
 Reply
Abjee Fotti and Abjee Pari write:
Dear E,
You love her and she loves you... My god! You already possess a treasure, something
that the rest of the world is looking for. Just with that, you are already way ahead
of the game.
Our question is: If SHE reciprocates your love, why would you be concerned about
what others think?
We find it difficult to generalize whether the entire Iranian population would be
accepting of a relationship between an Iranian woman and someone from another race/ethnicity/religion.
First of all, it is none of their business!
Iranians are very different and we have to analyze them on a case by case basis.
We know people from Iran who are very liberal-minded. Then again, people who have
lived in a foreign country all their lives may still hold the deepest prejudices.
It is hard to tell. While a lot of Iranians today date outside of their cultural
background, they may end up marrying someone from the same religious, ethnic background.
Then again, we have seen a lot of successful relationships between different cultures.
The point is, what makes a relationship work is the two people involved. If the
love is there, as well as respect, trust and commitment, a couple can survive all
obstacles, including nosy naysayers who have an issue with their mixed heritage.
As we have always maintained to our readers, love is such a unique miracle in this
world, that it is a shame to let other people's opinions ruin it for you.
If your concerns stem from wanting to be accepted by your girlfriend's close circle
of family and friends, this is something that you have to discuss with her. We don't
know whether you have met any of her family, what kind of reception you have received.
We don't even know if you are looking at marriage or relocating for the sake of your
relationship.
As with any relationship, it is better to build an amicable interaction with your
beloved's family and friends. Now mind you, if they are prejudiced against you only
on the basis of your race, there is little you can do to change their mind. And you
certainly should not engage in any drastic measure such as changing your religion
to fit their bigoted views. Any step like that should come from your heart not from
pressure from others.
So we would advise that if you are thinking of a long term committed relationship
with this woman, instead of concerning yourself with what "others" think,
you should find out what is important for her and how you two can work out and smooth
out any potential clashes between your cultures.
We wish you the best of luck
Take care
Abjee Pari and Abjee Fotti
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