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January 18, 2003 Two short questions annd answers: Send us your questions and comments * Do I need experience before marriage? I am an Iranian male in my late twenties. To this date I have been a virgin because I believe that I should be making love to a woman whom I am in love with. I have not found her yet and therefore I am not prepared to engage in sexual acitivities with just anyone. I don't have any regrets on this decision and am still a firm believer of it. However, my friends say that I should get experience fast because when I do find the "real girl" she will expect (whether she is a virgin or not) some level of experience. I am confused and I still don't like the idea but my friends also have a point.
What do you think?
Abjee Fotti and Abjee Pari write: Dear Sleepless, Since you have waited so long, why is it that now peer pressure is making you uncertain? The woman you eventually fall in love with, whether she is a virgin or not, will not demand experience from you so much as kindness, tenderness, patience, and love. With these ingredients, you can explore together for the first time the joys of an intimate physical and emotional connection. We would not be worried about the experience that your friends are talking about. Perhaps it is not so much what your friends say, but rather what you yourself feel. That is making you uncertain about your decision. It is certainly okay to want to explore sexual relationships even if one is not "in love" with the partner. Sometimes, curiosity, hormones, physical attraction are enough for the person to decide they want to experience sex even if they have not fallen in love with that person yet. This is fine. You certainly don't have to be in love with the person to enjoy sex, it just may be a thousand times more satisfying when you are in love. As long as you are straightforward and honest with your partner about your feelings, I am sure you can find someone who is equally interested in just having a casual physical relationship without getting too committed or "in love." Of course, remember that for women, the act of sex has so many emotional connections
that they may give more significance to it than you do, despite what they tell you
at the outset. Best regards, * Is it bad for my health? I am a 28-year-old Iranian living in Europe. I wil make it very short. I masturbate
almost every second day, although I have a girlfriend, but I still like to masturbate
by myself. Don't know why (I like her and I am also satisfied in bed with her). Is
there anything wrong with that? And is it bad for my health if I masurbate too much?
What is the normal standard self-satisfaction for a man in my age. M.
Abjee Fotti and Abjee Pari write: Dear M: We don't think there is anything wrong or unhealthy with sex or masturbation as long as it does not consume your life. Everything in moderation is a good motto. Although you enjoy a good sex life with your girlfriend you may have a bigger sex drive and so, we don't think there is anything wrong with finding another venue in satisfying yourself. After all, in both cases, you are having sex with someone you love :o) With our best wishes,
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