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March 14, 2003 Send us your questions and comments * "Iranian Club" in my high school? I am an Iranian American and I have this idea to create an "Iranian Club" in my high school. Last year I tried to do it with four others, but they were very reluctant and I felt discouraged by their reactions to my ideas. This year there are nine other Iranians and I think I have a better chance
at forming the club than last year but I don't want to go through that humiliation
all over again. What should I do? P.S. I loved your idea of dear abjee!
Abjee Fotti and Abjee Pari write: Dear Anonymous, One of the activities of your club can be to elect your own "Iranian of the Month", each month choosing an Iranian person who has made a great contribution to society, whether in the field of science, arts, media, etc. It can be anyone from Christiane Amanpour to Omar Khayyam. This is a great way to teach others another image of Iranians than the ones they
are used to. A club can create a more harmonious environment for your classmates
but it is important not to be exclusive but to include as many people as possible.
For example, membership in your club should not be restricted to people of Iranian
descent but to any student who has an interest in learning more about this culture.
In other words, make sure that your club is democratic, with various people elected
by their peers for different positions in the club (such as president, treasurer,
social director etc). Have meetings at which everyone can express their idea (albeit
in an orderly fashion). For example, you can have an agenda of points to discuss
things that need to be done and go through every point, giving 15 minutes of time
for people to debate the pros and cons. You can have a system whereby you pass along
an object (for example a necklace) and the person who has that object is allowed
to speak while others listen. * I like him. But he likes my best friend I heard from a friend of mine that said you are very helpful! I need some advice. One of my guy friends really likes my best friend! She sorta likes him but is being stupid and sorta playing with him. He won't give up on her though! I really really like him but don't know if I shuld tell him cuz I don't want to mess things up with my best friend -- what should I do? Yours truly Confused
Abjee Fotti and Abjee Pari write: Meddling with someone else's romance is a recipe for disaster. The best of friendships have been ruined because a friend decided to criticize someone's girlfriend/boyfriend. It doesn't matter that you have the best of intentions. When someone is really in lust or in love, they will be blinded to the bad side. Even if the person complains about their lover's personality and actions, a friend should just be there to listen and comfort not to join in the badmouthing because guess what? More often than not the two lovers will reconcile and then turn against the "friend" who supposedly bashed their girlfriend/boyfriend. Abjee's philosophical friend once stoically turned to a friend who had been burning up her ears for weeks complaining about her boyfriend and calmly said: "When you have had enough, you will get out." This may sound cold hearted but it actually is very realistic of most romantic relationships. I mean, we are not talking here about a relationship in which there is physical or emotional abuse, where the intervention of a friend should be a duty. If you are talking about the common everyday instances of lovers'games that have been played over and over again for centuries, it is best to stay out of it. If you absolutely must have your say, then try not to be too direct about it. Just hint at things: This is a good way to get your friend to open up and see
how he feels. If he is blissfully happy then leave the subject alone. If he cries
on your shoulder, again a true friend will listen and comfort. Just try not to be
the messenger of bad news. According to legend, he/she more often than not ends up
being shot!
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