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October 11, 2002

Taking a shower

How to shower like a woman

1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Avoid the scale at all costs.

3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups.

4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

6. Wash hair again to make sure it's clean.

7. Condition hair with Grapefruit Mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on for 15 minutes.

8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

9. Wash rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.

10. Rinse conditioner off hair (you must make sure that it has all come off).

11. Shave armpits & legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.

12. Scream loudly when your husband flushes the toilet scalds you and you lose water pressure.

13. Turn off the shower.

14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.

15. Get out of shower. Dry yourself with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.

16. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit, tweeze hairs.

17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown & towel on head.

18. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

How to shower like a man

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo woo sound.

3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror & suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (you don't). Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror and scratch your ass.

4. Get in the shower.

5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't use one).

6. Wash your face.

7. Wash your armpits.

8. Blow your nose in your hands, then let the water just rinse it off.

9. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.

10. Majority of time is spent washing your privates and surrounding areas.

11. Wash your butt leaving those coarse butt hairs on soap bar.

12. Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).

13. Make a shampoo Mohawk.

14. Peek out of shower curtain to look at yourself in the mirror again.

15. Pee in the shower.

16. Rinse off & get out of the shower. Partially dry off.

17. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles, admire wiener size again.

18. Leave shower door open and wet bath mat on the floor.

19. Leave bathroom fan and light on.

20. Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, shake wiener at her, and make the woo woo sound again.

21. Throw wet towel on the bed.

Sent by BB

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